This is a very old post that was automatically imported from LiveJournal. I have done my best to fix up the formatting, but some issues may remain. Comments have not been preserved.
A single “mood” entry doesn’t really do these emotions justice. Right now I’m happy, sad, relieved, frustrated and lost, with an unhealthy dollop of self-loathing added in.
You know, there were days when I thought being in some kind of bizarre love triangle was weird. Nowadays I’m not sure what kind of shape is going on, but I think it’s ceased to abide by Euclidean geometry. And I’m in there somewhere – off to the side, connected only by grey lines. Dotted ones. With arrows on, that only point away from me.
Things I’ve learned today:
- I’m hopeless at psychology. It seems as though everyone understands me completely within minutes of meeting me, and yet I only ever read people wrongly.
- Lines are blurred, always. I don’t think there’s ever such a thing as definite knowledge, or a definite answer to the kind of questions I desperately try to ask.
- Hard as I might try, I can’t be everything to everyone. Even being something to someone is a state I’ve yet to reach.
- Emotions interfere destructively. Having many at once results in feeling horribly unemotional.
- You can set custom lists of friends to set who can see LiveJournal entries and who can’t. This is the first time I’ve ever protected an entry, and I have a horrible feeling that I might have to again, one day.