Synopsis

That is not dead which can eternal lie.
And with strange aeons even death may die.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh CTHULHU R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

By the Numbers:

  • Utterly implausible scandals involving Jonas Brothers: 1
  • Camp Rock performances that are rock music: 3
  • Normal definitions of “Jam” employed: 0
  • Faces: Two
  • Characters: 23
  • Characters who do not fail: 2
  • Average time for students to learn a technique, in seconds: 13
  • Songs performed live: 2
  • Songs that sucked: 2
  • Main characters that can sing without autotune: 0
  • Punchable Jonas brothers: 3
  • Obviousness of ending: 127
  • Cheesiness of ending: 198,289
  • Cinderellaness of plot: 204,987,154
  • Sanity roll per minute: d10
  • Beer consumed: YES
  • DEPTH OF THE ABYSS: OVER 9000 METRES
  • STARS IN ALIGNMENT: 23,489
  • GREAT OLD ONES NOW MANIFEST UPON THE EARTH: 76
  • MORTALS DRIVEN TO MADNESS: 6,791,278,109
  • H҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘Ȅ̐̑̒̚̕̚ IS C̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚OMI҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘NG > ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ͡҉҉
  • H҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘Ȅ̐̑̒̚̕̚ IS C̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚OMI҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘NG > ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ͡҉҉
  • H̛͘E͟͟҉ ͟͞͞Ć̸͘͡Ó̴͡M̶̴̧̕͜Ę̸̢͠͠S̵̵͡.̴̸̕͟.͡͞.̵͜

Overall: -אω / 5