Synopsis

It’s fucking DUNE. I can’t believe you made me review this.

“What’s in the box?” “PAIN.”

By the Numbers

  • Minutes of voice-over to explain what the hell is going on: 27
  • Plots that would make sense without this: 0
  • Gay Nazis: 148
  • Captain Picards: 1
  • Bad 80s force-fields: 5
  • Nuns of Doom: 7
  • Times Eric has referred to the Bene Gesserit as “Ben & Jerrys”: 18
  • Times Eric has attempted to pronounce “Kwisatz Haderach”: Mercifully, 0
  • Hairspray used, in litres: 124
  • Combat Eyebrows: 2
  • Evil points gained by floating while cackling: 304
  • Glowing orange fire-spitting teleporting hyper-intelligent death slugs: 3
  • Bitching guitar solos: 2
  • David Lynch Cameos: 1
  • Lightning-spitting mile-long Sand Dicks: 4
  • Lightning-spitting mile-long Sand Dicks ridden with reins: 2
  • Creepy little sisters: 1
  • Years for which you will see this in your nightmares: over 9000

Overall: 4 / 5

(3/5 for plot, 1/5 for special effects, 5/5 for THIS IS MY CHILDHOOD I’M REVIEWING HERE)