For reference, my thinking behind awarding films their score out of 5 goes roughly along these lines:

  • 5: I STUCK MY DICK IN THE LITTLE HOLE IN THE DISC
  • 4: I’d have enjoyed that even if I were sober and not blogging it
  • 3: The last two hours of my life weren’t exactly wasted
  • 2: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
  • 1: I FEEL DIRTY NOW. I WILL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN.
  • 0: I WANT MY MOTHERFUCKING SOUL BACK, HOLLYWOOD
  • -1: Twilight
  • -23: Zac Efron

Despite theoretical calculations, the score I would award a movie with the Jonas Brothers in it is still unknown to science.

Update: I reviewed Camp Rock. May the Lord have mercy upon our souls.