Synopsis

On PLANET EXPLODEY DOOM, SPACE KNIGHT RUSSEL CROWE steals the CRYSTAL SKULL and uploads it into the ALIEN MOTHERSHIP BABY and sends it to EARTH to save the ARYAN SPACE JESUS BLOODLINE.

On EARTH, SUPARMAN hides his SECRET ULTIMATE COSMIC POWERS by… oh wait, no, he pretty much uses them at every available opportunity. Then, the BAD GUY with the BAD GUY-EST NAME EVER arrives, and SHIT EXPLODES for the next HOUR AND A HALF.

At long last, SUPARMAN saves the day by PUNCHING GRAVITY ITSELF.

By the Numbers

  • Unexpected alien childbirths: 1
  • Skull uploadings: 2
  • SPACEDICKS: 12
  • Dick splashes: 1
  • Buckets tinkled into: 1
  • DEJIKO BEAM: 27
  • Kryptonians oddly fond of chainmail: 4
  • USB Plot Devices: 2
  • Gazelles to which Suparman is honestly a bit of a dick: 54
  • Highly advanced aliens capably of syncing a colour 60Hz TV signal: 0
  • Army porn: All the army porn
  • Quickskulls: 891
  • International Houses of Pancakes trashed: 1
  • Trains to the face: 1
  • Sattelites to the face: 1
  • RELEASE THE KRAKEN WORLD ENGINE!: 1
  • Gravity terraform wave fluctuation singlarity genesis phantom drive pseudoscience: OVER 9000
  • Days since the last accident: 0
  • Cups of tea required by Superman: 1 Gigacup

Overall: 4 / 5

♫ Hiiiighwaaaay to the Phantom Zoooone! ♫