Synopsis

MARTIANS, having evolved over MILLIONS OF YEARS into a SENTIENT and HIGHLY ADVANCED SPECIES, have apparently no idea how to raise their CHILDREN without stealing HUMAN MOTHERS, vapourising them and implanting their MEMORIES into DISCIPLINE DROIDS.

Naturally, it takes a PLUCKY YOUNG SETH GREEN, NERDY DAN FOGLER and a HIPPY ALIEN to SAVE THE DAY and defeat the EVIL FEMINISTS and teach the MARTIANS to be a VIABLE SPECIES again.

By the Numbers

  • Arse-first martian monkey-births: 3
  • Individuals committed to the annihilation of broccoli: 1
  • Individuals sadly not vapourised by Movie Physics Rocket Engine: 1
  • …not crushed by high-velocity impact with scrap yard: 1
  • …not incinerated by alien lasers: 2
  • …not elecrocuted by alien electricity: 2
  • …not crushed by high-velocity impact with scrap yard AGAIN: 2
  • Lightning-charged Space Butt-plugs: 1
  • Times Dan Fogler is illogically deployed to defeat Space Communism: 1
  • Times Dan Fogler needs a slap: OVER 9000
  • Times Dan Fogler hits on OH GOD SHE’S NOT EVEN YOUR SPECIES STOP IT
  • Mission Impossible ripoffs: 3
  • Martians who learned laser gun skills learned at Stormtrooper School: 23
  • Minutes exposed to -150 C Martian atmosphere with no ill effects whatsoever: 17
  • Minutes exposed to -150 C oxygen-free Martian atmosphere with NO HELMET and STILL no lasting damage: 3
  • Eyes explosively decompressing: sadly, 0
  • Suspiciously large numbers of tranquilisers in rocket ship control office: 30
  • Butt blasters: 2
  • Vomiting robots: 1
  • Security officers anally assaulted by naked cattle prod-wielding babies: WHAT THE FUCK I DON’T EVEN
  • Uncanny valley proximity:

Overall: 1 / 5