A guest review by Ian “Devo” Montgomery
Timelines collide… sort of. Captain Picard and his crew take their brand spanking new Enterprise on a mission back in time to stop their greatest enemies — the Swedes — from ruining Gene Roddenberry’s idyllic future.
By the Numbers
- Opening pull-out, in seconds: 165
- Creepy head lasers: 10
- Unnecessary surgeries: 8
- Nightmares within nightmares (omg meta!): 1
- Number of Starfleet ships engulfed by Borg cube explosion: 2
- Picard schizophrenic moments: 5
- Population of Earth: 9 billion… all Borg (gasp!)
- Heavily inebriated saviours of humanity: 1
- Gunpoint greetings: 4
- Data’s keystrokes per second: 14
- Knocks it takes to break down an inset mechanical door: 18
- Mercy killings: 3
- Faster-than-light rocket dildoes: 1
- Sweaty cyborg-alien temptresses: …What now!?
- Tommy-gun shoot-outs in space: FUCK YES!
- Epic space-walks: 1
- Android on sweaty cyborg-alien make-out sessions: MY EYES! THEY BURN!!!
- Zero-g amputations: 1
- Little ships broken: 3
- Ceiling snakes: 3
- Cyborg zombie skeletons - 6