Year: 2005

  • Always and Forever

    It’s at times like this that I’m sure all of us will be together, forever…

  • Back Here Again

    I’m back in Southampton now, four days earlier than planned. It’s kinda’ lonely here with no-one else around, but internet stuff seems to be taking up 100% of my time today. Oh yeah, and I have tons of coursework to do. Writing up lab papers for experiments I did three months ago, for a deadline I can’t remember. Joy.

  • An Evening of Bleh

    This evening has been odd… I’ve got lots of stuff done, but none of it’s been work-related. Also I left the thermostat for the house on 10 degrees all afternoon, and so I’m feeling a bit ill now because I’ve been so cold… I just hope I’m better by tomorrow so I can get started on some work.

  • A Lost Week

    Somehow, this past week seems to have happened without me realising. I’ve realised that it’s remarkably easy to slip back into procrastination in this house, I’ve realised how much this place feels like home, and perhaps more importantly I’ve discovered that I have a 6000-word essay due in on Friday that I’m never going to be able to finish, a lab report and three problem sheets due in next week, then a week of exams for which I’ve not even thought about revising.

  • Lacking Consciousness

    Seven hours’ sleep in two days. Coffee, alcohol, chocolate, 12 hours’ of gaming, swordfights, Rammstein, tentacle rape, lots of demons and lots of guns. It’s 4am. My mind is broken. I’m going to bed now, and if I wake up before sunset something’s gone wrong.

  • Lazy

    Yet again I’m being horribly lazy, and have done no work today…

  • Bleh

    One and a half problem sheets down, one and a half to go, due in tomorrow. Lab report progress: 0%, due in 2pm tomorrow. Viva at 4pm tomorrow. Doom.

  • Sad Girls in Classical Mechanics

    I have a Classical Mechanics exam in an hour’s time. Revision? No, that would be sensible. Instead, I’m playing Kanon. I guess, after all, I’m fairly confident about the exam now. A productive half-hour yesterday reduced the entire book into one A4 sheet of formulae, which I think I now know all of. So hopefully, the exam should be okay. But in the same way that I didn’t feel like anything important was happening in the build-up to Christmas, somehow I don’t seem to feel that the exams are that important, either…

  • If Space is One-Dimensional, it’s Easy!

    Okay, brief catching-up time. Sorry for my almost total absence from the internet (and IRC in particular) this week – exams and revision have been taking up pretty much all my time, so I’m trying to minimise distractions.

  • Fleeting Finality

    The Quantum Physics exam was odd. To start with I turned up to the wrong place (damn this Uni for having two sports halls!) and had to run to the right one. I thought I screwed up the exam when I saw the latter half of part A and realised I couldn’t do any of it – it was all on the electron spin stuff that I hadn’t revised. Looking at the section B questions my heart sank – I didn’t think i could do any of them. But, it turns out, I’m better at working stuff out from first principles than I thought! And by the end of both B questions, I think I had perfect solutions. So, even though I lost 8 marks just by not revising the right stuff, I left the exam feeling really really good! That kind of ecstatic feeling you get when you realise you’ve done something impressive, and you’ve worked it all out yourself…

  • New Beginnings

    I can’t really be bothered to do a proper update right now, but still…

  • Under the Sky so Blue

    Today, even waking up at 8.30 and going to lectures in subjects I don’t really like seemed fun. Walking through the city, dressed in only jeans and a t-shirt, feeling the sun on my face as I looked up at the blue sky, and contemplating the fun that lies ahead of me, today and forever in the future… Today, happiness painted the sky gold and blue, for the first time since the Autumn.

  • Light of the Morning

    I just had a fantastic dream… I can’t really remember what the story was now, but it seemed to involve an awful lot of things that were on my mind, combining them into what must have been an hour-long story that ended with me feeling an almost perfect sense of peace and completion… Then I woke up, somehow refreshed despite only six hours’ sleep, with sunlight streaming in through the curtains…Just for a moment, I think, all is right with the world.

  • Valentine’s Day

    Valentine’s Day, ptah! I’ll defeat you all with my super Perpetually-Single-Person Angst Powers! Tries to will himself to have laser eye beams

  • The Good, the Bad and the Story

    Good News: I have another short story lined up after I (hopefully imminently) finish the two I’m currently working on, and – this is a new thing for me – it WON’T BE ANGSTY. Got that? Beat me with haddock if I even verge on making it the slightest bit angsty.

  • Gaussian Blur at the Edges of what is Real

    In character, there was a party. Out of character, there was a party.

  • Yuki’s Fairytale Moment

    For the third time in two days, it’s snowing outside… That thick, fairytale-like snow that blows around on the breeze as it drifts towards the ground – that kind of snow that barely looks real, it looks like the only place it belongs is in the props department for a movie company. It’s the kind of snow I feel blessed to have seen.

  • A Minimalist Week

    Sorry for a week of no updates… Not an awful lot’s happened, really.

  • S

    I wonder if maybe I shouldn’t drink alcohol before I go to bed… For the last week there’s been bottles of cider lying around, and since I’m the only one in the house who drinks cider I’ve been having a few glasses each night to finish it off. But last night was a bit odd… I fell asleep instantly, as far as I know, and woke up instantly too. It felt like no time had passed, and I woke up wondering why on earth the alarm clock had gone off for a few minutes until I actually registered that it was 8am. It was really quite unnerving…

  • Touching Perfection

    I’m not sure why tonight seemed so oddly perfect, but… it just did. Nothing particularly special happened, but perhaps that was part of what made it perfect – simply that everyone was there, and everything was just as my imagination would suggest that it should be. One of the many days that will forever define the memories of my friends.

  • Tsuki == Flonne?

    Now I think about it, it’s dawned on me what this costume I’m wearing reminds me of – Flonne from Disgaea. Except my bows are orange and red, not blue.

  • Tonight…

    Tonight, we watched puppets perform oral sex.

  • A Season’s Slow Dawning

    Somehow, I’m left with a sense of achievement despite not really having achieved anything today. I think many things were achieved around me, and somehow I feel like I was involved. But whatever the reality is, it certainly feels like the summertime of our hearts and minds is dawning again…

  • Tsuki’s Adventures in Conventionland

    Ack, I apologise for the vastness of the entry… Here goes the details of a fantastic weekend…!

  • Planetarian

    <a href=>Planetarian</a> just broke my mind. And now AIR TV episode 10 has just downloaded. It’s a conspiracy, I tell you… Damn Key and their capability to screw up my brain. I’m never going to get any work done today at this rate…

  • St. Patrick’s Day

    So, there are these sheep, right? They roll themselves into balls and roll over bridges, then get hit by giant mecha cricket bats.

  • Wind Flowers of Summer

    Wow… it’s like Spring decided to give it a miss this year and get stuck straight in to Summer. The weather today was beautiful…

  • Chapter Two: Epilogue

    Today, we defeated our long-running antagonist, resurrected a friend and saved the world.

  • After the World has Faded Away

    Today I think is proof that, no matter how productive I think I’d be, I should never be allowed to live alone. The house is cold, and quiet, and dark, and empty… And it’s got me into the kind of state of mind where you’re bored but yet there’s nothing appealing to do…

  • Just My Luck

    First off – today I took a trip to Bournemouth to see people there, which was awesome. While there, we watched something that seemed to be In Nomine the movie, starring Neo. Apparently there was supposed to be a character called John Constantine in the film, but it must have been a pretty minor part as I don’t think I noticed him…

  • Maelstrom

    I’ll avoid posting too much here, both because my words probably can’t do it justice and because most readers of my blog aren’t interested in in-character stuff anyway. Suffice to say that the last five days have been fantastic. I guess it may well be the ultimate in geekdom, but still, LARPing was one of the most fun things I’ve ever done. I’ll most certainly be doing it again!

  • Memory and Syllabary

    Not much to report at the moment, I’m at my parents house and relegated to using their 56k pay-per-minute dialup for less than an hour every few days.

  • Random Brain Spam

    No real patience for a proper entry, so I’m afraid I’m just going to spam stuff about the last week.

  • Unexpected Phone Call

    Yeah, um, I just got a phone call I wasn’t quite expecting.

  • Calm and Easy So Far

    Well, looks like I’m slowly getting over the ‘flu thing… I haven’t got my appetite back yet though. If my stomach’s reading this, get back to your normal cake-devouring ability quickly, plzkthx.

  • I can Feel my Ears

    I just had a haircut. Feels weird ;;_;;

  • Apologies for the Lack of Posts

    Sorry for not having posted in the last week or so… I’m afraid nothing especially exciting has been happening. There was my grandad’s funeral, which was… funeral-like, and plenty of Uni work, and seeing friends, and… that’s about it. There’s always been stuff going on, but it’s not seemed like I should be writing about it. Maybe I just used to write about more stuff than I do now…

  • Afternoon

    The air outside is hot, and thick, and full of the hands of dandelion clocks. Yet it doesn’t smell like thunder. It smells like cities. Strange smell.

  • Drifting Clouds and Drifting Seeds

    And so, suddenly, it was May again. A warm breeze blew across the garden and in through the window, mingling with the bright sunshine that set the sky alight. There’s barely a second of time that isn’t heralded by birdsong from the rooves and treetops. My room’s slowly being decorated with the dandelion seeds that are flying in through the window; but on days like this, things like that don’t matter. In fact, it even feels like a good thing. I’d sleep on a bed of them, if I could – because, at long last, it’s summer. A time of year when everything, including me, can shine…

  • Ian, now with 100% less teenager.

    I find myself in the strange and unexpected position of being twenty years old.

  • Beltane’s Fluff

    Yet again, dandelion seeds blow in the wind and the sun beats down from a brilliant blue sky. I’m so glad to celebrate at this time of year, when the world glitters so wonderfully…

  • Fireworks of the Heart

    Today just keeps feeling better and better as it goes on, although I can’t really describe why. Somehow, the cleaning and washing up and food shopping I’m about to do feel like they might even be fun. Everything’s sunny, and happy, and shining, without exception.

  • Heaven’s Evening Melody

    In the end, the afternoon and evening were better than enjoyable. Really, I can hardly think of a way in which the day has been imperfect. Nearly everyone was here, and we had so much fun in the afternoon sunlight and the warm evening. There was pizza, and cake and a whole hamper-full of sweets. Truly, I’m blessed to spend times like these with friends like these.

  • Yesterdays and Tomorrows

    Well, as yesterdays are wont to do, yesterday finished. I think today is a little cloudier, and a little lonlier, than yesterday was. Still, it’s to be expected. If every day was like yesterday, it wouldn’t have been special. So, it’s time to go on with life after a day-long break.

  • Like Tears In Rain

    I’m not sure why, but today… as rain drizzles to the ground outside, and the house feels cold and lonely… I’m feeling angsty again, despite the season. It’s the first time in a long time that everyone else has been busy; except for me, sitting on my own, doing nothing. I guess I should watch anime or play games or something, but that just feels like escaping…

  • Uneasiness

    Somehow, this place feels uneasy at the moment… Like we’re all a bit on edge. And I don’t know why.

  • Business

    As in, the act of being busy. Dear gods am I busy. And I haven’t even started revising yet…

  • Extremely Immature Fun

    The powers of my garden are infecting me (very in-jokey). Behold, probably not the originally intended use for’s services, but definitely the most immature.

  • Strangeness in the Morning

    I only had four hours’ sleep, but I feel fine. And, although I have exams in a week and an addictive MMORPG to play, I’m bored.

  • Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith

    Ho-hum. Yes. Well.

  • Four Minute Warning

    I felt compelled to write something, as I often do at 3am when it’s beginning to get light outside and I really should be sleeping instead. But I wrote anyway. It’s not long enough to constitute a real story, but if you’re interested please take a look anyway. Please bear in mind this hasn’t been edited, and I’m not exactly at my best at 3am…

  • Endings and Beginnings under the Hot Summer Sun

    They reckon it’ll hit 28 degrees C today. Summer’s truly here, at last, and I don’t feel that it’s possible for me to be unhappy anymore. Many things begin and end at these times, when it feels like the sun’s heat ignites my wings with light. Despite the endings, we’ve got no choice but to go out on a high note, and that’s the way things always should be.

  • Grasping Perfection Once Again

    On nights like that when everyone is there, nights that fill me with the joy of having so many friends, nights that seem perfect, I’m almost lost for words… Despite it being a leaving party, it’s not as if we’ll lose touch; so I feel it was okay to revel in the joyous emotion of the evening.

  • Like Broken Shards

    A game finished last night, but more than that, a story finished last night. The story of characters that I love dearly, characters that have taught me new things, characters I’ve laughed and cried with for so long.

  • Recovery Almost Complete

    Over two days since the end of the game, and I think ‘m just about recovered. Maybe. I’ve just got to try not to think about it, for the duration of the exams at least.

  • Recovery Complete! (I hope)

    Well, it looks like I’m back to being my normal Ian/Tsuki thingy again. That’s a good thing, I guess, although it does seem to mean I get hungry more and do less housework. Ah well. Maybe, just hopefully, I’ll now be able to revise for my exam in 36 hours’ time. I’m confident, though, it’s a ridiculously easy subject. Only problem is, there’s an essay question on which we don’t get a choice of subject. I’m not looking forward to the exam, I bet the essay will be on lasers, or aberrations, the two subjects I don’t really know all that well…

  • Waltz of Mist and Raindrops

    So, there were plans today. Shopping, Shakeaway, going to see Sin City. In the end, it was just Mark and I who left the house to head into town under steel-grey skies.

  • An Exercise in Triviality

    Exams so far:

  • Kentucky Fried Brain

    Twelve hours with no time on my own has, I think, fried my brain. I passed through the stage where it’d mounted up so much that everything in the world felt like an irritation; and now, I think, there’s nothing for it but to sleep with the hope of tomorrow’s revision in sight.

  • An Alternative to Revision

    About 8 this evening, we debated what to have for dinner. It was decided that there should be roast potatoes… a while later, chicken was theorised… then a bunch of other vegetables…

  • The Dawn Chorus at the End of the Dream

    You know, at times like this I could almost be convinced that the sunrise looks even more beautiful in a city. On the other hand, maybe it’s just that the air is tinged golden with a sense of happiness and freedom. During these few slow days, so much tension and stress is being released all around us…

  • The Closing Moments

    It’s perhaps a bit odd that the thing that makes me realise how little time I’ve got left here is a BitTorrent client, but nevertheless that’s the case. One of my torrents is estimated to take a further 8 days to complete – whereas once I’d have dismissed that as “it’ll finish eventually” and just waited until it did, now… Now I don’t have eight days. That torrent will never finish.

  • Odd Mental State

    I have now been up for over 24 hours, of which I’ve spent about 23 of them in the company of one individual. My brain is melting. I decided to go for a swim with Mark, but it only cleared my mind while I was there… Now I’m back to the hayfevery sauna of the rest of the world, I have a headache and sore eyes again.

  • Packing my Life into Colourful Plastic Boxes

    So, today I’m packing up my stuff… Everything that I don’t physically need for the next week. Well, I say “physically need”, but that list does include my computer. ^_^; Anyway, it feels really odd – no matter how many times I’ve moved over the last few years, I still don’t really get used to this.

  • Heatwave

    The weather today is insane. It’s gone midnight, my windows are open, and I’m sitting at my computer – wearing shorts, drinking water constantly and sweating from every pore of my body. God only knows how I’m going to survive Spain…

  • Nerja 2005

    I decided to do this all as one entry rather than about 15 separate ones for the sake of everyone’s sanity… =p Here it is anyway, for those who’re interested: My two weeks of drama in the sun.

  • Backwash

    Try as I might to live here and call this place home, it’s not. Southampton is home.

  • It’s Been Three Years

    It’s been three years since the summer that made this song mean something to me… Three years since that summer I used to refuse to talk about, since that summer that either broke me or fixed me.

  • Dreams Die and are Reborn

    The guards at the gate smile happily, but it’s transparent and forced, as if they smile just because they have guns and they know that people with guns who aren’t smiling are scary. Once inside, I clutch protectively the little card that hangs around my neck – the only proof that despite my utterly generic appearance I do in fact have a name. And a number, that’s emblazoned on my security pass as well. I’m number 11092426, as if there’s 11092425 people out there that I’m supposed to look up to.

  • Sights and Sounds

    The sounds of this place, for some quite inexplicable reason, are reassuring. The dull, rubbery click that my shoes – polished, black shoes, my old school shoes – make as they lightly touch the paving slabs, and the rustle they make as they push down yellow-dry grass…

  • When Someone Else’s Sofa Starts to Feel like Home

    …Well, not quite. It still feels like I’m imposing, sleeping on their sofa, but at least it’s Southampton – that’s a start.

  • Signal to Noise Ratio

    The overcast skies scatter the light, dampening out the scenery into shades of grey. The rushed half-hour walk to catch a cancelled train fills my mind with fuzzy interference. And on the train I eventually caught, the noise of wheels on tracks, the noise of the electronic announcements, the noise of shouting children and mumbling old men… They all blend together into a maelstrom of noise, blocking out the signal of thoughts from my head.

  • Raining Again

    It just doesn’t get any better, does it?

  • Smiling, Crying and Dreaming

    A warning – each paragraph gets steadily geekier and more obscure than the last! =p

  • A Waking Dream, or Otherwise

    Last night was… a little weird. I had a dream – a very long and, I think, important one. Then I dreamed that I woke up, wrote it all down, and went back to bed. There was another dream after that; which was about Lime, Elise, Stel and I in a Spanish seaside bar buying drinks with 5p coins.

  • A Slow and Subtle Daydream

    For a while I’ve had a strange thing with my hearing, as if I listen kind of subconsciously. Sounds slip into my mind without me noticing – I guess that’s why I often ask people to repeat themselves a fraction of a second before realising that I knew what was said after all.

  • I’ll Call That a Success

    So, today was… fun. Not quite what I was expecting when I made the morning odyssey to work…

  • This Body Annoys Me

    Apologies if I keep this brief, sitting in a chair feels most undesirable at the moment.

  • Another Passing Day

    I guess I was kind of caught off guard by the amount of sympathy I’ve recieved since that last post ^_^; I guess I’d be lying if I didn’t say that it helped a bit, so thank you everyone!

  • Welcome to Dramaville, Population 19

    Ah, the end of another Bournemouth Meet. A successful one, if my standards are anything to go by (which of course they really aren’t).

  • This Week’s Challenge

    Recently, since I’ve been staying at my parents’ house, I’ve been walking near a lot of the places I used to go as a child, and the close encounters have been sparking a lot of memories in my mind. Therefore, my mission for this week (or even this summer/early autumn as a whole) is to get as many of my childhood memories down on paper as possible. On Saturday, hopefully, I’ll grab my mum’s camera and go and visit the places properly, to find out what’s become of them now I’ve – dare I say it – grown up.

  • Gotta’ Love My Parents’ House

    My ping just topped five and a half seconds. It’s like torture, but not as interesting… I’m sure Satan is preparing a special hell for me, where there’s nothing but pay-per-minute 56k dialup for eternity.

  • Waiting for the HSBC Lynching Squad

    So, currently… I’m on my overdraft limit, I owe my parents £40 and there’s already £60 on my credit card. I have two weeks, including – hopefully – a trip to Southampton, in which I can spend precisely nothing. Not a very fun situation to be in. My wallet contains twenty-four pence, not even enough to buy breakfast a work…

  • Dislocation

    It’s dark now, when I get up, and it doesn’t feel like morning at all. The feeling was even stronger today, though – it feels almost as if my mind and body are somehow separated. I don’t feel that I’m hearing all the sounds that I should hear, nor seeing all the things that I should see, and when I try to move it’s as if there’s some delay between thinking about it and it actually happening. I can probably put it down to having a cold and only having had about four hours’ sleep last night. But regardless of how I feel now, I wouldn’t have missed that phone call – the reason for my lateness in getting to bed – for anything.

  • Three Days Remain

    For some reason, the facts that it is not Friday and that I am not currently in Southampton are verging on painful. Damnit – hurry up, weekend!

  • From Dawn ’til Dusk

    I left home before dawn today, and now the sun is setting over the horizon as I return thirteen hours later. It’s been a long day, no doubt, but a successful one. The conference was a fantastic success, and I learned a lot – including about a plan for creating a single national (or international) database for neuroscience data. I’m not sure if it’s going to be possible for someone like me, but I’m going to try and get at lest slightly involved with it. It sounds pretty exciting, and the technical details that need sorting out are exactly the kind of things I’m good at – data formats, metadata, data security, stuff like that.

  • Of Azure Skies and Golden Wings

    And so, at the end of a painful week, Friday passed in an instant, no more substantial than anything that I experience in that soulless and dreamless weekday world.

  • Emotions Hidden in Twilight

    I understand less and less about the way she feels with every passing hour, despite people’s best efforts. Right now, I’d settle for knowing how I feel, let alone her.

  • Have Another Story

    Started work on Friday, finally – I think – finished it today. Thanks to Claire for suggesting improvements!

  • Saturation Point

    Today, I am full of thoughts and chemicals. I drink more coffee than is probably good for me, I know that much, but today caffeine and stuffiness and humidity and people and work and, well, everything, just seemed to crush me under their weight. I had to stop work and go for a walk earlier on. I feel a bit ashamed that I can’t keep up working even for just one eight-hour day without getting fed up, but then I guess the Health and Safety people would tell me that I should be taking breaks like that anyway.

  • Topicality

    The number of my friends who have had work published grows once again, and I’m getting left behind! Looks like I need to excavate some talent from wherever deep in my mind such a thing might hopefully lurk.

  • Something Like a Day at Work

    Pretty much everyone on my project was out at a meeting today, leaving me with pretty much nothing to do. So… I wrote. I feel a bit guilty for having been paid about £50 for my work today, which mostly consisted of about 3000 words of fiction. Still, beats playing Minesweeper.

  • Fire and Faith

    As the majority of readers aren’t interested in in-character stuff, I’ll avoid a full report of the weekend. Also I’m just starting to crash, so I can’t be bothered with writing a lot. (At least crashing now will mean I can go to work fully out-of-character tomorrow, which is probably a good thing.)

  • Wasting Away Days

    I continue to be bored. I continue to spend most of my days filling in forms. I continue to smile involuntarily whenever my colleagues refer to the computer I’m working on as “Unit 01”, and they continue to not know why.

  • I Did Something Useful Today

    I did something useful today. Not work, you realise, because there’s precious little of that to do. Instead, in readiness for the Dreaming Awake game this year, I present: Part One of the rules!

  • pg brain > /dev/intarweb

    More DARPG stuff dumped from my brain onto paper – and thus also on the web.

  • The Waiting is the Most Painful Bit

    Another week of work done, and only two more to go. Still, two weeks is long enough. There’s really nothing I want more in the world than to be back in Southampton soon…

  • Whoops

    I just uttered the words “you know, this would be a lot easier in C.” I feel dirty now.

  • Products of a Wasted Day

    Programs written: 2

  • Laughing in Public is Good for You

    Two moments of public lollage today, much to my embarassment.

  • Grey Skies of Forever

    The wind blows coldly from grey horizon to grey horizon, and the neverending threat of rain looms over the sky. The kind of weather, the kind of day that saps the spirits and clenches its tight and dreary grasp around our hearts. Summer is over, autumn has come with its windswept brown leaves and long dark nights. It feels as if all the hope has been washed out of the world, as if the only hope left is in those fragile hearts and minds that even now the season intensifies its grip on.

  • The Previous Post

    I apologise for the previous post. Leaving me with nothing to do at the moment is a bad idea, I seem to be getting depressed when I’m bored… Sorry!

  • Sunshine and Mown Grass

    So today, it finally decided to be sunny again. My mission for today: Do something, anything, other than moping around the house. Mission successful!

  • So Yesterday,

    I learnt two important things yesterday.

  • On the Genealogy of Videogames

    Yet another day of high-velocity panic. Unit 01 is falling to pieces more and more rapidly, and it’s supposed to be delivered on Thursday… (People making Evangelion references will be shot. And posthumously applauded.)

  • As Above, So Below

    The skies overhead are steel-grey and uniform, an almost perfect mirror to their concrete and tarmac cousins on the ground. Even the wind, blowing around me and through me and filling my lungs like ice, feels sleeting and grey. Car headlights, always on in the evenings now, reflect from puddles on the road and complete the symmetry.

  • Gravity

    Already I’m feeling the irresistable pull… Tomorrow, I’m going home. I’m going to see friends again, and life will be full again after too many empty nine-‘til-fives, Mondays-to-Fridays. Each IM conversation, each ‘phone call, each text message, they all bring me closer.

  • A Wish

    I’m here. I’m back. I’m home. So much to do, so much to say…

  • Tonight…

    Tonight, I will be mostly eating… Instant ramen. </jesse> I put this down to, uh, post-modernist irony? Something like that, anyway…

  • Worrying

    I just stumbled upon the phrase “Iä! Iä! Cthulhu fhtagn.”

  • Too Much Money

    Today, I spent too much money. However, I now have four new mangas, a Suikoden 4 toy, a belly full of Pizza Hut, and a mind full of really, really silly things. Life here is officially beyond fantastic.

  • Fumiu~! Hyper Panic!

    Preparations for the Bunfight ticked along today, getting some things out of the way and giving us confidence. But in seven hours’ time, the real preparation will start. Two hours of setting up followed by six hours of event and an hour of cleaning up… Six hours in which there will be up to a thousand students in the hall at any one time. Nine hours in which we can’t sit down and, through caffeine or alcohol or sugar or hitting each other with LARP weapons or any combination of the four, we have to be happy and enthusiastic and well-coordinated and in control.

  • Requiem for a Bunfight

    That’s it then. In such a short amount of time, it was over. The hyped-up state of caffeine and alcohol and sugar and stress and adrenaline has faded, and it dawns on me that I will never again help to organise a bunfight. Still, it was a success. So much of a success. Page after page of new members signing up, flier after flier in their hundreds disappearing into freshers’ hands… (To quote a character from Comic Party Revolution and presumably by extension 2chan, “member get”.)

  • Shiny, Shiny, Angsty

    First up today: even though the prospective Slimelight trip has ben cancelled, I still went shopping for cool things. I now have a full-length coat with very shiny clips and buckles and things on it! ^_^ (Much thanks to everyone for telling me what actually looks good on me and what doesn’t, since I’m so hopeless…)

  • October

    Once more, yesterday, the world attempted to rekindle another piece of summer. Once more, today, haze fills the sky and chokes the city. I used to go through life longing for the return of summer, but I don’t think I’ll do that anymore. The next summer will be my last here – and I hate that. Maybe it’s irrational to want to stay with my friends forever, but can’t help it – that’s what I feel; and that’s what makes me, deep down, loathe the coming summer. But I can’t let it show. I have to enjoy this little time we have left to the best of my ability. I have to live 100% of myself, each and every passing day…

  • Racheet Psychology 101

    Ladies and gentlemen, this is not a happy post. I’m not sure quite what it is – it’s both angsty, and angry. At least, as close as I can still get to anger. When I first started writing I was very pissed off, and by the end was in tears.

  • Something Like an Explanation

    Okay, here goes a fairly major update.

  • A Feeling I’m Not Used To

    There’s a feeling, or perhaps it’s more like a lack of a certain feeling. Everything in life seems lighter, happier, more easily dealt with. I think, for the very first time in a long time, I’m not angsting.

  • Joyful Illness

    Feeling a bit shivery, stomach doesn’t feel great, I have a sore throat and am feeling a bit dizzy.

  • Ubuntu

    That’s it, I’ve had it with Ubuntu. Damn “user-friendly” junk, it seems to develop problems if you’re using anything except a generic GNOME environment and no -extras/-backports, and I rarely get replies to forum posts. Back to Gentoo for me…

  • Rainbows after the Rain

    As we headed into the city centre, the morning’s wind-whipped sunshine turned quickly into a shower and then into rain. It fell in sheets as we sheltered under the awning of a shopping arcade, and dripped around and through my umbrella as we dashed quickly from one shop to another.

  • Physics and Piracy

    Today, I tried to get my Light and Matter problem sheet done. It went pretty well, and I got quite a bit of work done. Then I took a break for coffee and chocolate, and Mark’s family came over, and we watched anime and had take-away delivered and played silly board games and… all hope of working was lost.

  • The Campus in Autumn

    Years ago – four years, in fact, it seems a strangely long time – I had a feeling of what University life might be like. Warm and comfortable, studying books or taking notes, while outside rain fell and cold winds blew leaves from the trees.

  • Thoughts of the Unconfident

    I wonder if, perhaps, I’m being over-friendly, that she’s gone from whatever she thought about me before to finding me annoying or even creepy…?

  • Error – Subject Not Found

    New story fragment “The Job Interview”: /fiction/the-job-interview (Comments welcome as always)

  • Acceleration

    Another problem sheet more-or-less done and handed in on time. Not long left now, not many things to do, before the weekend. The weekend will be awesome, I think. So why do I feel nervous…?

  • Painful Decisions

    (Yes, I’m afraid this is about the same situation as all my protected entries are these days…)

  • Roll d20 for Next Emotion

    Sometimes I almost get to the point of resenting my blog’s existence, and today is one of those days. It’s going to be impossible for me to describe everything that’s happened in the past few days well enough to do the tirade of emotions justice. What’s more, LiveJournal has a “mood” box for each entry which is not by any means long enough to cover the intended content – which would be, in something approximating chronological order:

  • Fire on Campus

    The fire that destroyed Mountbatten Building on Southampton University campus made the front page of Slashdot. I’m impressed!

  • Happy…

    Happy Hallowe’en / Samhain / Overly Americanised Autumn Festival to you all!

  • Heart-Crushing Boredom

    Today’s been great, up until now… Non-stop interaction with people since the moment I got up, a great game session and generally lots of having fun. And now it’s the evening. No-one’s around, wanting to do anything. Everyone’s too busy with work or things that don’t concern me. And so, I’m just sitting around on the ‘net hoping something fun might happen.

  • Tension Point

    It’s 4am. I’m shivery and cold, and I have to be up in five hours – early Saturday morning – to deal with other people’s problems. I mostly don’t mind this – after all, if it’s helping other people on the way to happiness then in the long run it’ll make me happy too.

  • Rewriting the Personality

    I think I have at last come to a realisation that I should have had long ago.

  • Self and Stability

    I am calm, I am happy. I am being myself and having fun. I am not worrying about things.

  • The Interwebs Fail Me

    Fed up with PlusNet’s dire service and stealth data caps, we today switched to another ADSL provider… Freedom2Surf.

  • Mirror Worlds

    Last night, after one of the most fun parties I’ve ever been to, I was asleep almost as soon as my head touched the pillow. I slept, and dreamed… Dreamed of the party. Slighty different, of course – we talked about different things, but it was still most certainly that party. It left me, upon waking, with the exact same feeling I’d had after the party itself – a wonderful sense of rightness, and comfort, and stability.

  • The First Premonitions of Transcendence

    I’ve just arrived home after running the third session of my Dreaming Awake tabletop game. And holy haddock, it just got really awesome. The players are finally beginning on the road to realising how the world works and what their place is in it – starting to accept that they can and do change the world.

  • Pushing Through Deliria

    Lesson One. Do not go to bed with the beginnings of a headache.

  • Over the Sky

    I’m glad, so very glad, that times like this exist. Should I ever forget how wonderful my friends are and what a fantastic time I’m capable of having, all I need to do is remember days like today.

  • In Search of Adventure: Alma Road Attic Exploration, Mission One

    In Tom’s room upstairs, there’s a cross between a cupboard and a door. It’s padlocked. In the bathroom ceiling, there’s a hatch. It’s sealed shut. In the living room ceiling there’s a hatch.

  • The Dances and Songs of the Faerie Children

    Today has been… Well, fantastic in a very strange way.

  • The Rise and Fall of Caliphracti

    That was a weird dream. A weird sequence of dreams, in fact. No less than five tiems did I wake up and go back to sleep, and in each period of sleep the dream continued from where it left off. I pretty much slept through my two lectures this morning just to see where the dream would go.

  • Detachment

    Recently, I’ve been feeling awfully… separated, detached from reality. It feels as though when I talk to people I’m not talking to them properly, and when I do things they don’t properly happen. It could be as though the world is just ever so slightly tinged with a kind of unfriendly distance. The only thing recently that’s felt properly real was last night’s singing and dancing and cosplaying which, when I think about it, was pretty much a side-track from reality anyway.

  • Ups and Downs

    Today went mostly from okay to cool to awesome to ARGH MY BRAIN HURTS.

  • Today’s Conclusion

    And now, if I may, I will sleep. Given the circumstances it would be somewhat shallow of me to wish to bestow “sweet” dreams upon us all, so I’ll make do with “appropriate” ones instead.

  • Well, that was… an… interesting… weekend…

    To think, at noon on Friday I was just sitting down to a Crystalline Solids lecture, confident that my work was going well and that there’d be a fun afternoon ahead.

  • Feelings, fleeting…

    My life fell apart. Again. Worse this time.

  • Simplicity and Colour

    Today, I talked about some things with people, and realised some things that I should have realised all along. Life isn’t confusing anymore, it’s not messed up and I’m sane again. The world is simple now; it makes sense.

  • Luck of the Roll

    I love dice-luck sometimes. I’ve barely ever had a good roll in Zane’s game, and now tonight… I roll seven 10-sided dice.

  • It’s not over

    Pieces of paper, roughly cut from an all but worthless book, spiral to the floor as the force of the knife ejects them from what once was their home.

  • Crashing

    This weekend has… No, this past week and a half has been… intense. I’ve done new things and had new emotions and there have been hearts broken and healed and slipping deeper into deliria. The world has broken and reformed over and over again, reconfiguring itself to flood our world with emotion and feeling, for better or for worse. There are still troubles – there always were and will always be; and there are still joys – there always were and will always be.

  • Resolutions, Separations, Reawakenings and Complications

    And so the confusion carries on. Barely a few hours after my Monday afternoon crash, yet another situation reared its head and has begun to be dealt with. I didn’t get to sleep until 6am that night, and didn’t wake up until 3pm the following day, missing all my lectures once more. Once more that night my room entertained a guest, or maybe more than one… After all, I did say he could visit, and that applies to both the human and the other. And I got to see the blossoming of a Mage Ego, those things that I bemoan so much… =p

  • Gah! Damn Humans

    It would be a lie if I were to say that I was in control. I guess, really, I never have been. Not three years ago, not a year ago, and not now either. I’ve finally realised what I’ve been mising over these past two weeks, a major factor in the confusion that abounds. My emotional control. I don’t have any.

  • Once More With Doom-like Feeling

    Meh, and there was me thinking for a while that I was fixed again. The last few days have been fun, they really have. And then tonight, humans started to annoy me again. And then Little Andy started to annoy me. Deliberately. And pushed me all the way.

  • The Mixed Blessings of Worlds Away from Home

    Whisky should perhaps not be regarded as a good substitute for sleep.

  • Sanity’s Requiem, Epilogue: The End of Autumn

    Twenty-two days ago, as the afternoon twilight fell across the city, the universe’s discordant orchestra started to play, and the dance began. November’s winds blew chill through our hearts, and our search for warmth pulled the world out of shape as we whirled and jumped on the ballroom floor.

  • Frozen in Time (Harmony)

    The streetlight by my front door flickers into red, pauses, and slowly begins its ascent into orange as the city around it descends into darkness. The sky fades from blue, to navy, to black. It’s the end of another year, as colour washes out of the landscape and all the shops close their doors on the freezing world.