My life fell apart. Again. Worse this time.
I thought that at last, even though I was still unsure what was happening, there were some things I understood about the way my life was heading. Turns out, of course, I didn’t understand anything. And I still don’t.
To think, at noon on Friday I was just sitting down to a Crystalline Solids lecture, confident that my work was going well and that there’d be a fun afternoon ahead.
Then, it all went WEIRD. In many, many ways.
And now, if I may, I will sleep. Given the circumstances it would be somewhat shallow of me to wish to bestow “sweet” dreams upon us all, so I’ll make do with “appropriate” ones instead.
Although “Night night, appropriate dreams” doesn’t have much of a ring to it.
Today went mostly from okay to cool to awesome to ARGH MY BRAIN HURTS.
This morning I went to lectures, and helped Racheet get a newly-acquired computer home from Highfield. That was okay.
Recently, I’ve been feeling awfully… separated, detached from reality. It feels as though when I talk to people I’m not talking to them properly, and when I do things they don’t properly happen. It could be as though the world is just ever so slightly tinged with a kind of unfriendly distance. The only thing recently that’s felt properly real was last night’s singing and dancing and cosplaying which, when I think about it, was pretty much a side-track from reality anyway.
Everything feels so boring and only surface-deep. I wonder why…
That was a weird dream. A weird sequence of dreams, in fact. No less than five tiems did I wake up and go back to sleep, and in each period of sleep the dream continued from where it left off. I pretty much slept through my two lectures this morning just to see where the dream would go.
The premise itself was simple, it’s just the results of it were damn weird. Take a person who had something between the personalities of the Ritsuko cosplayer from last night whose name I think I remember but shan’t utter in case I get it embarassingly wrong, and Asa from the anime and game “Shuffle!”. Insert this person into pretty much every scene in the entirety of the last week of my life, and see what happens.
Today has been… Well, fantastic in a very strange way.
First of all, there was the cosplay. I got bullied (well, it seems appropriate) into cosplaying as Shinji from Evangelion – I figured that since it was an easy character for me to do I’d go for it, provided I didn’t have to play the character’s personality. My problem is, I hate Shinji with passion. He is, in the end, very similar to me. But it’s a me gone wrong, a me lacking in willpower and being needlessly afraid. And while I get accused of lacking willpower regarding a certain issue anyway, I don’t think I’m anywhere near as bad as he is.
In Tom’s room upstairs, there’s a cross between a cupboard and a door. It’s padlocked. In the bathroom ceiling, there’s a hatch. It’s sealed shut. In the living room ceiling there’s a hatch.
I’m glad, so very glad, that times like this exist. Should I ever forget how wonderful my friends are and what a fantastic time I’m capable of having, all I need to do is remember days like today.
I’ve decided now, I think, what life means; what’s worth striving for. Happiness. That’s it, it doesn’t need to be any more complicated than that. My happiness, other people’s happiness, it’s one and the same. Today, everyone was happy. And tomorrow will be the same inasmuch as I have a hand in it.
Lesson One. Do not go to bed with the beginnings of a headache.
For at least two hours I drifted between sleeping and waking, while all the time the headache got worse. Every tiny fragment of sleep contained a dream in which the headache was explained by ever more disturbing things, until at nearly 5am my head was too painful and I was to creeped out to try to sleep anymore.