Maybe it’s a result of over-exposure to kids’ TV due to my own son, or possibly it’s due to the fact half the Blue Peter presenters of my generation spent their spare time with coke up their noses, but I can’t help but feel everything wholesome and good on television is secretly not.

Now I can’t watch CBeebies without thinking that the presenters spend their off hours in opium dens, drinking absinthe and writing angsty poetry, or that after a show they all go back to the executive producer’s dungeon and have really weird sex.

I am broken. =S