Synopsis

One of the most exciting FIGHTING GAMES of the EARLY NINETIES gets a CINEMATIC PREQUEL. True to form, it is… KIND OF DULL and NOT REALLY EXCITING AT ALL?

By the Numbers

  • Dubious generic oriental accents: 1
  • Alleged brothers of completely different race: 2
  • Instances of shoryuken fanservice: 7
  • Instances of hadouken fanservice: 24
  • Haddock present in haddockken: Somehow 0?
  • Health bars: They seem to have forgotten these too
  • Characters in the film who are not martial arts masters: Maybe the old man in the hat? …Maybe? Please don’t be one?
  • Training montage, in minutes: 152
  • Not training montage, in minutes: 0
  • Number of times better this film would have been if it was four minutes long and just had “Eye of the Tiger” in the background: 23
  • Gaku Space: GAKU SPACE
  • Constipation level: OVER 9000!

Overall: Oooooooonnnnnnn (three hours later) nnnnnnnnne / 5

Well, that escalated quickly slowly.