This bastardisation of the great French dish, the Cassoulet, may be my finest achievement to date in the cause of taking global culture and telling it to bend over. I pray that no-one from the French border control agency ever finds this, otherwise I don’t think I’ll be allowed back in.

Note to Americans: “ASDA” is the British equivalent of (and in fact a subsidiary of) Walmart. “Culture” is something Europe has; I wouldn’t worry about it.

Ingredients

Serves 5. Approximately 10 minutes to prepare, 40 minutes to cook.

  • 6 sausages
  • 2 chicken breasts
  • 1 onion
  • 3 cloves garlic
  • 1 500g tin red kidney beans
  • 1 500g tin baked beans
  • 2 500g tins chopped tomatoes
  • 100ml red wine (ideally not French, to minimise authenticity)
  • olive oil
  • oregano
  • salt & pepper

Method

  1. Cut the chicken into small thin strips and the sausages into bite-size pieces.
  2. Coarsely chop the onion, and finely chop the garlic.
  3. Add some olive oil to a heavy casserole dish, and place on a medium-hot hob.
  4. Add the meat, onion and garlic to the pan and heat, stirring regularly, until the onions start to brown.
  5. Open and sample the wine. (Culture warning: this step may be authentically French.)
  6. Turn the heat down to medium-low. Add the wine, and allow the pan to simmer for a couple of minutes.
  7. There’s plenty of wine left, it would be a shame to let it go to waste.
  8. Add the beans, chopped tomatoes, herbs, salt and pepper to taste. (If the latter screams when added to the pot, you may have accidentally used the late 80’s hip hop group Salt-n-Pepa rather than the staple seasonings.)
  9. The dry ingredients should be covered by the liquid; if not, add hot water until they are.
  10. Stir well to prevent sticking, and simmer gently for around half an hour until the sauce has started to reduce. (You can probably get through another couple of glasses of wine in this time.)
  11. Serve with baguettes, if you can handle the Frenchness, and wine – you may have to open another bottle.