Synopsis

BEN STILLER, an ACTOR playing an ACTOR playing a SOLDIER, is accidentally left in a REAL CONFLICT and unfortunately SURVIVES FOR THE NEXT 90 MINUTES.

By the Numbers

• Alpaca Chinos: 4
• Penalty to combat rolls with a newborn baby in the off-hand: Literally cannot even
• Spiderman/Iron Man monk homoeroticism: Sorry, still can’t even
• Intestines played with: 2
• Games of grenade volleyball: 1
• Steve Coogans punched in the face: 1
• Disembodied Steve Coogan heads drop-kicked into the jungle: 1
• Full retards: 5
• Ben Stillers worshipped for being Full Retards: 1
• Ben Stillers caned by Vietnamese twelve-year-olds: YEP, I WILL SLEEP HAPPILY TONIGHT
• Rooster illusions: 1
• Small children hurled from bridges: 1
• “GET TO DA CHOPPA”: Grimly inevitable
• Rocket-propelled grenades deflected by airborne TiVo: NOPE, I AM DONE.
• Units of alcohol required for me to watch a film with Ben Stiller and Danny McBride in it: Apparently 6

Overall: -2 / 5