You know what, the FILM is called “ZOMBIE SHARK”. I think you can work it out.
By the Numbers
- Shadowy government agencies: 1
- Neck length, centimetres longer than humanly possible: 23
- Inevitable freak storm forecasts ignored by characters: 1
- Cheerleader types inevitably eaten first: for once, no!
- Largely unnecessary cleavage shots: OVER 9000!
- Sharks with snorkels: So. I have some questions.
- Radios with access to restricted military channels: Apparently 1
- Mayday calls, in metres from shore when issued: 0.7
- Rocket launchers that fire animated GIF explosions from the 90s: potentially all of them?
- Deckchairs and portable barbecues used on military operations: 3
- “Nowhere on this island is safe!”: Except the bits that are ON LAND?
- Incidences of zombie-on-zombie action: 1
- Incidences of sister-on-zombie-sister stabbing: 1
- Deaths by FUCKING TERRIBLE CGI: EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
- Endings: Of course fucking not.