Synopsis

You know what, the FILM is called “ZOMBIE SHARK”. I think you can work it out.

By the Numbers

  • Shadowy government agencies: 1
  • Neck length, centimetres longer than humanly possible: 23
  • Inevitable freak storm forecasts ignored by characters: 1
  • Cheerleader types inevitably eaten first: for once, no!
  • Largely unnecessary cleavage shots: OVER 9000!
  • Sharks with snorkels: So. I have some questions.
  • Radios with access to restricted military channels: Apparently 1
  • Mayday calls, in metres from shore when issued: 0.7
  • Rocket launchers that fire animated GIF explosions from the 90s: potentially all of them?
  • Deckchairs and portable barbecues used on military operations: 3
  • “Nowhere on this island is safe!”: Except the bits that are ON LAND?
  • Incidences of zombie-on-zombie action: 1
  • Incidences of sister-on-zombie-sister stabbing: 1
  • Deaths by FUCKING TERRIBLE CGI: EVERY. SINGLE. ONE.
  • Endings: Of course fucking not.

Overall: Suck my dick, I'm a shark / 5