This is a very old post from my blog; so old that it was originally hosted on LiveJournal. The page has been preserved in case its content is of any interest, but formatting errors are likely and the page's original comments have been lost. Please go back to the homepage to see the current contents of this site.
A single “mood” entry doesn’t really do these emotions justice. Right now I’m happy, sad, relieved, frustrated and lost, with an unhealthy dollop of self-loathing added in.
You know, there were days when I thought being in some kind of bizarre love triangle was weird. Nowadays I’m not sure what kind of shape is going on, but I think it’s ceased to abide by Euclidean geometry. And I’m in there somewhere - off to the side, connected only by grey lines. Dotted ones. With arrows on, that only point away from me.
Things I’ve learned today:
- I’m hopeless at psychology. It seems as though everyone understands me completely within minutes of meeting me, and yet I only ever read people wrongly.
- Lines are blurred, always. I don’t think there’s ever such a thing as definite knowledge, or a definite answer to the kind of questions I desperately try to ask.
- Hard as I might try, I can’t be everything to everyone. Even being something to someone is a state I’ve yet to reach.
- Emotions interfere destructively. Having many at once results in feeling horribly unemotional.
- You can set custom lists of friends to set who can see LiveJournal entries and who can’t. This is the first time I’ve ever protected an entry, and I have a horrible feeling that I might have to again, one day.