The phone company Orange appear to be giving out free headphone adapters as part of some promotion or other. So, naturally, on the bandwagon I jumped to see if I could grab some that would work with my phone. I filled in the form, clicked Submit, and thought nothing of it for the next two weeks.

Then I get a failed delivery note through the door. I’m expecting a few of these for various people’s presents, most of which I’ve ordered off the internet. But it’s a letter, apparently, and Special Delivery - so it needs signing for. “Strange,” think I, “I’m not sure I ordered anything flat enough to be considered a letter.” So down to the sorting office I go, and pick up… this. A something-bigger-than-A3-sized plastic ‘envelope’, that feels like it contains a piece of paper. Weird.

So I attempt to unpack said piece of paper. First thing of note, the envelope-thing is oily. Not visibly so, but I had to stop in the ASDA bathrooms just to wash whatever gunk it was off my hands. And, once finally inside, I discover… two pieces of paper! Once of which is the delivery note. The other, a full A4 sheet of 6-point text. “Terms and Conditions”.

What the heck?

Just in case, I rummage some more, and at the very bottom of the bag, I find a small black object, maybe a centimetre long at most. And, once I’d found some light to see it properly by - my god, it’s a headphone adapter! I very nearly threw the bag away without finding the damn thing.

And, just to complete the aura of bizarrity surrounding the whole thing, it of course is not even the right plug to fit my phone.

So, er, anyone want a 2.5mm to 3.5mm jack adapter? Be warned, I may send it to you in a full-length shipping container.