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I’ve just had one of the most disturbing dreams I’ve had in a long time. It was set in some kind of cathedral in which we (a cast made up of a mix of Physics students and DDRFUKkers) were slowly going completely insane. While remaining sane myself - or so I thought - I watched everyone else spiral into utter incoherence… Then, at the end, I found myself stood in a puddle waiting to hear a voice. When no voice came, I tilted my head back and screamed “God has left the world!” as I finally lost the last of my sanity… and woke up.
Today, I had to get back to my parents’ house for 10am. I found this out at 3am. Hurrah for four hours’ sleep!
I think something about the lack of sleep turned me into Angsty Writer Mode, and I spent most of the train journey wishing I’d brought a pen and some paper with me. Writing Mode or not, though, I think I’m too busy to do NaNoWriMo this year. I guess after I finish Uni and get a job I might have time for that ^_^;
Also, I’ve discovered that MegaTokyo scares me. As time goes past, Piro and I seem to be converging. This worries me…
Anyway, the meal yesterday was great, and it was good to see my grandparents again.
While adventuring in my parents’ attic, I discovered that they hadn’t in fact destroyed my Tarot deck with all the pretty dragon pictures on, so that’s now been rescued! I also liberated some other sttuff from my parents’ house, so we now have a Dreamcast at home! And I now have my PS2 memory card back - Xenosaga fun for me!
And finally in today’s patchwork quilt of coolness, was that Mark and Anna cooked dinner for all three of us, and we watched The Princess Bride. They went on to watch Dark Crystal afterwards, but at that point I decided that sleep was probably a good idea… (Extra hour tonight, but I’m still knackered now…)
…letting your housemates dress you for a fancy dress party is scary ;;_;;
I am currently wearing: Jeans, a polo shirt, a peasant tunic, a bright red tabard, bat wings and a furry cat tail, and have a sabre attached to by belt.
This is going to be the most embarassing party ever ;;_;;
Having only started to get used to working on two levels at once, I now find myself trying to cope with seven.
While talking to Mark and Racheet last night, we got onto the topic of the inside of my mind, and I’m not sure if I handled the conversation well or not. I was in a mood for saying things without thinking first - I can’t really remember all of what I said, but it’s continually bugging me that I might have said something that makes me sound really weird…
So… those two personalities aside, let’s move on to the next four. I’m playing in four RPGs this year, and I’m worried that they might end up frying my brain. I have a lot of empathy for all four characters, and one of them I’m about to have a lot more empathy with than I previously thought - Racheet suggested that for his Battlemaster High game each player writes an <a href=http://www.livejournal.com/~kotori_hasegawa/>in-character LiveJournal</a>. I’ve got no doubts about doing it, but it’s going to be mightily weird.
On to the seventh - today I’ve started redoing the Dreaming Awake website.
I wanted a combined place for Dreaming Awake, my new story project (more in a minute) and my essays on various philosophical and psychological things that crop up in the stories. Back to the seventh character / personality component - the hero of my other story I’m attempting to write (“Forgotten Children” - pretty much a minor endeavour compared to the hugeness of Dreaming Awake) finally has a name, age, background story, personality, and all that stuff. I’ve written an intro to Forgotten Children - as told by Shinsei (the main character), although I’m not sure if I like it as an intro yet. I have a feeling it’ll be weird to work with him as a character, because his mentality comes pretty much right between mine and Tsuki’s - combining Tsuki’s innocence and enthusiasm with my calmness and deep thinking. I’m sure it’ll be an experience!
For someone who makes you sweat Niagara Falls in a gym that feels more like a sauna, Sifu is surprisingly un-scary. ^_^; I’m glad I re-started Kung Fu!
A single “mood” entry doesn’t really do these emotions justice. Right now I’m happy, sad, relieved, frustrated and lost, with an unhealthy dollop of self-loathing added in.
You know, there were days when I thought being in some kind of bizarre love triangle was weird. Nowadays I’m not sure what kind of shape is going on, but I think it’s ceased to abide by Euclidean geometry. And I’m in there somewhere - off to the side, connected only by grey lines. Dotted ones. With arrows on, that only point away from me.
Things I’ve learned today:
- I’m hopeless at psychology. It seems as though everyone understands me completely within minutes of meeting me, and yet I only ever read people wrongly.
- Lines are blurred, always. I don’t think there’s ever such a thing as definite knowledge, or a definite answer to the kind of questions I desperately try to ask.
- Hard as I might try, I can’t be everything to everyone. Even being something to someone is a state I’ve yet to reach.
- Emotions interfere destructively. Having many at once results in feeling horribly unemotional.
- You can set custom lists of friends to set who can see LiveJournal entries and who can’t. This is the first time I’ve ever protected an entry, and I have a horrible feeling that I might have to again, one day.
First up: Shiny things! I now have an extremely shiny new naginata. I’m really happy! ^_^ I wish the weather would be good enough for me to take it outside, though…
Next up: Hallowe’en. Ten days away now, and as usual I’m doing nothing and although I’d almost like to dress up for it, I don’t think I will. (I don’t think I’d really look good as any kind of Hallowe’en spirit.)
This reminds me of two things - first of all, dressing up. I’m still torn two ways over my cosplay for Minamicon, and I’ve not even thought about making either costume. Secondly, it reminds me that we have 10 days to find a new housemate. If we end up with someone we don’t know, it’s going to feel quite weird…
Tomorrow things: I have a 9am lecture on Classical Mechanics, in which we’ll be taught how to calculate the curl of a vector field. Hi, we were taught this last year! It’s not good to be skipping lectures this early I know, but I really don’t see the point in turning up.
In the evening, we kick off Zane’s World of Darkness game, bringing to number of RPGs I’m involved with this year to four. This might conceivably break my brain by the end of it. That also means I have four characters’ worth of angsty back-story to write soon. A scary prospect…
And sometime in the near future we’ve got to get our landlord to sort out the fact that you can surf on our kitchen floor, we’ve got to provide the letting agents with an inventory for the place and our council tax exemption stuff that we don’t even get for another two weeks, and deal with the ever-looming prospect of convincing TV licence inspectors that we don’t watch our TV.
Somewhere in the middle of this, I’m attempting to remain sane. I am finding flavoured toffees and Galaxy Angel OSTs very useful in achieving this end.
Ghost Love Score by Nightwish.
Officially the best song ever to sword-dance to. Absolutely awesome ^_^
Well, after pretty much no exercise in two years, I did four hours of Kung Fu and Fencing over the weekend. I think my arm muscles have died, and are trying their best to take me with them…
I want this… The scary thing is how easily I could afford it…