This is a very old post that was automatically imported from LiveJournal. I have done my best to fix up the formatting, but some issues may remain. Comments have not been preserved.
(Yes, I’m afraid this is about the same situation as all my protected entries are these days…)
I just read her latest blog post, the protected one entitled “Pining”.
I never did stand a chance, did I? It’s probably best if I forget the whole thing, just like I managed to previously. But… This isn’t quite the same. Previously I always knew my wishes were unattainable, so letting go didn’t seem such a bad thing. But this time, when I thought that maybe there was a possibility… Now even considering giving up hurts more than I can describe.
And yet I guess I have to. I shouldn’t be sad, should I? But I’m crying nonetheless.
That, I guess, is telling me that there’s some indelible emotion in my mind, telling me that I shouldn’t give up no matter what, that giving up would only prove me to be shallow and weak-willed.
I have no idea what to do, I really don’t. I don’t know which I would find least painful, or even if the path of least pain is one I would want to tread…