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(Yes, I’m afraid this is about the same situation as all my protected entries are these days…)
I just read her latest blog post, the protected one entitled “Pining”.
I never did stand a chance, did I? It’s probably best if I forget the whole thing, just like I managed to previously. But… This isn’t quite the same. Previously I always knew my wishes were unattainable, so letting go didn’t seem such a bad thing. But this time, when I thought that maybe there was a possibility… Now even considering giving up hurts more than I can describe.
And yet I guess I have to. I shouldn’t be sad, should I? But I’m crying nonetheless.
That, I guess, is telling me that there’s some indelible emotion in my mind, telling me that I shouldn’t give up no matter what, that giving up would only prove me to be shallow and weak-willed.
I have no idea what to do, I really don’t. I don’t know which I would find least painful, or even if the path of least pain is one I would want to tread…