By the Numbers

• Twincest: NOT Wincest
• Actors out-acted by cockatiels: 2
• Actors with less convincing accents than cockatiels: 2
• Amish karate kids: 1
• Puppetry of the penis: 0
• Puppetry of the lower intestine: 1
• Salt mills sellotaped to foreheads: somehow, 1
• Womb-mates: 2
• Skype, in anti-semitism: Somehow… some?
• Jill, in anti-everyone-else-ism: ALL OF IT
• Mexicans who talk like Speedy Gonzales: Apparently all of them
• Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial: -350m
• Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in Jack and Jill: MINUS OVER 9000 METRES!1!
• Simultaneous chokings (sadly non-fatal): 2
• Bobarella: BOBARELLLLAAAAAAHHH!
• Apparent precedents for the Phineas and Ferb “Mexican Jewish Festival” episodes: 1
• Curative jalapeños: 12
• Incidences of tilting at ceiling fans: 1
• Al Pacino’s creamy goodness: 173
• Ducky Momo
• Pails of water fetched: 0
• Crowns broken: NOT ENOUGH
• Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is made: 3
• Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is funny: IT WILL NEVER BE FUNNY
• Times I have now watched Shaq licking inappropriate things: 1
• Times I have now watched Adam Sandler shaving his chest using water from a toilet bowl: WHAT NO STOP
• Times I have now watched Al Pacino trying to pull Adam Sandler: OH GOD KILL ME NOW, TORCH THE EARTH AND BURN THE SKY, NOTHING SURVIVES
• “What are you going to wear Daddy? …IN HELL?”
• “Burn this.”: YES
• “Nobody must see this.”: YES
• “Destroy all the copies.” YES

Overall: LITERALLY WORSE THAN HITLER