By the Numbers
- Twincest: NOT Wincest
- Actors out-acted by cockatiels: 2
- Actors with less convincing accents than cockatiels: 2
- Amish karate kids: 1
- Puppetry of the penis: 0
- Puppetry of the lower intestine: 1
- Salt mills sellotaped to foreheads: somehow, 1
- Womb-mates: 2
- Skype, in anti-semitism: Somehow… some?
- Jill, in anti-everyone-else-ism: ALL OF IT
- Mexicans who talk like Speedy Gonzales: Apparently all of them
- Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial: -350m
- Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in Jack and Jill: MINUS OVER 9000 METRES!1!
- Simultaneous chokings (sadly non-fatal): 2
- Bobarella: BOBARELLLLAAAAAAHHH!
- Apparent precedents for the Phineas and Ferb “Mexican Jewish Festival” episodes: 1
- Curative jalapeños: 12
- Incidences of tilting at ceiling fans: 1
- Al Pacino’s creamy goodness: 173
- Ducky Momo
- Pails of water fetched: 0
- Crowns broken: NOT ENOUGH
- Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is made: 3
- Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is funny: IT WILL NEVER BE FUNNY
- Times I have now watched Shaq licking inappropriate things: 1
- Times I have now watched Adam Sandler shaving his chest using water from a toilet bowl: WHAT NO STOP
- Times I have now watched Al Pacino trying to pull Adam Sandler: OH GOD KILL ME NOW, TORCH THE EARTH AND BURN THE SKY, NOTHING SURVIVES
- “What are you going to wear Daddy? …IN HELL?”
- “Burn this.”: YES
- “Nobody must see this.”: YES
- “Destroy all the copies.” YES
Overall:
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