By the Numbers

  • Twincest: NOT Wincest
  • Actors out-acted by cockatiels: 2
  • Actors with less convincing accents than cockatiels: 2
  • Amish karate kids: 1
  • Puppetry of the penis: 0
  • Puppetry of the lower intestine: 1
  • Salt mills sellotaped to foreheads: somehow, 1
  • Womb-mates: 2
  • Skype, in anti-semitism: Somehow… some?
  • Jill, in anti-everyone-else-ism: ALL OF IT
  • Mexicans who talk like Speedy Gonzales: Apparently all of them
  • Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in a Dunkin’ Donuts commercial: -350m
  • Depth Al Pacino’s career has fallen to be in Jack and Jill: MINUS OVER 9000 METRES!1!
  • Simultaneous chokings (sadly non-fatal): 2
  • Bobarella: BOBARELLLLAAAAAAHHH!
  • Apparent precedents for the Phineas and Ferb “Mexican Jewish Festival” episodes: 1
  • Curative jalapeƱos: 12
  • Incidences of tilting at ceiling fans: 1
  • Al Pacino’s creamy goodness: 173
  • Ducky Momo
  • Pails of water fetched: 0
  • Crowns broken: NOT ENOUGH
  • Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is made: 3
  • Times the “Jill can’t remember what film it is” joke is funny: IT WILL NEVER BE FUNNY
  • Times I have now watched Shaq licking inappropriate things: 1
  • Times I have now watched Adam Sandler shaving his chest using water from a toilet bowl: WHAT NO STOP
  • Times I have now watched Al Pacino trying to pull Adam Sandler: OH GOD KILL ME NOW, TORCH THE EARTH AND BURN THE SKY, NOTHING SURVIVES
  • “What are you going to wear Daddy? …IN HELL?”
  • “Burn this.”: YES
  • “Nobody must see this.”: YES
  • “Destroy all the copies.” YES

Overall: LITERALLY WORSE THAN HITLER