One of the most exciting FIGHTING GAMES of the EARLY NINETIES gets a CINEMATIC PREQUEL. True to form, it is… KIND OF DULL and NOT REALLY EXCITING AT ALL?
By the Numbers
- Dubious generic oriental accents: 1
- Alleged brothers of completely different race: 2
- Instances of shoryuken fanservice: 7
- Instances of hadouken fanservice: 24
- Haddock present in haddockken: Somehow 0?
- Health bars: They seem to have forgotten these too
- Characters in the film who are not martial arts masters: Maybe the old man in the hat? …Maybe? Please don’t be one?
- Training montage, in minutes: 152
- Not training montage, in minutes: 0
- Number of times better this film would have been if it was four minutes long and just had “Eye of the Tiger” in the background: 23
- Gaku Space: GAKU SPACE
- Constipation level: OVER 9000!
Overall: Oooooooonnnnnnn (three hours later) nnnnnnnnne / 5
Well, that escalated