Synopsis

One of the most exciting FIGHTING GAMES of the EARLY NINETIES gets a CINEMATIC PREQUEL. True to form, it is… KIND OF DULL and NOT REALLY EXCITING AT ALL?

By the Numbers

• Dubious generic oriental accents: 1
• Alleged brothers of completely different race: 2
• Instances of shoryuken fanservice: 7
• Instances of hadouken fanservice: 24
• Haddock present in haddockken: Somehow 0?
• Health bars: They seem to have forgotten these too
• Characters in the film who are not martial arts masters: Maybe the old man in the hat? …Maybe? Please don’t be one?
• Training montage, in minutes: 152
• Not training montage, in minutes: 0
• Number of times better this film would have been if it was four minutes long and just had “Eye of the Tiger” in the background: 23
• Gaku Space: GAKU SPACE
• Constipation level: OVER 9000!

Overall: Oooooooonnnnnnn (three hours later) nnnnnnnnne / 5

Well, that escalated quickly slowly.