Synopsis

WEEDY MCWEEDY, unable to join the ARMY (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) the normal way, decides to enlist as a SUPER-SOLDIER (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) created using SECRET NAZI STEROIDS (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH).

He angsts for a bit in a DORKY COSTUME (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) before deciding to blow up MOST OF EUROPE (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH).

“Doctor Zola! Sound the Octo-alert!”

By the Numbers:

• Captain America costume ridiculousness, when on a real person: 275
• Red Skull red skull ridiculousness: 304
• Elrond: 1
• Tommy Lee Jones: 1
• More films we need with Howard Stark in them: Many
• Nick Fury badassery: Still astronomical
• Objections my brain made to Odin-powered super-laser tanks in 1942: 0
• Objections my brain made to afterburning jet engines and long range plane-mounted radar in 1942: 2
• Explosions: over 9,000(,000)
• Motorbikes jumping explosions: 26
• Physics: lol
• Guys that reminded me of Mecha Hitler: 5
• AMERICA: FUCK YEAH

Overall: 4 / 5