WEEDY MCWEEDY, unable to join the ARMY (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) the normal way, decides to enlist as a SUPER-SOLDIER (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) created using SECRET NAZI STEROIDS (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH).

He angsts for a bit in a DORKY COSTUME (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH) before deciding to blow up MOST OF EUROPE (AMERICA, FUCK YEAH).

“Doctor Zola! Sound the Octo-alert!”

By the Numbers:

  • Captain America costume ridiculousness, when on a real person: 275
  • Red Skull red skull ridiculousness: 304
  • Elrond: 1
  • Tommy Lee Jones: 1
  • More films we need with Howard Stark in them: Many
  • Nick Fury badassery: Still astronomical
  • Objections my brain made to Odin-powered super-laser tanks in 1942: 0
  • Objections my brain made to afterburning jet engines and long range plane-mounted radar in 1942: 2
  • Explosions: over 9,000(,000)
  • Motorbikes jumping explosions: 26
  • Physics: lol
  • Guys that reminded me of Mecha Hitler: 5

Overall: 4 / 5