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Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Guest Post by eric.

Synopsis

There are EVIL BLOKES with a GAY-LOOKING MASK, then it cuts to SOME KID who just happens to be NAILS. KILLING ensues along with SHENANIGANS and a LOVE INTEREST (of course) who turns out to be PRETTY NAILS too (for a WOMAN in ONE OF THESE THINGS, anyway)

By the Numbers

  • Eggs left unbroken: 1
  • Barbarians killed by one small(ish) child: many
  • Not so feeble women: 1
  • Angst: over 9000
  • Cheese: over 9000
  • By Crom!: 1

Overall: 4 / 5

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