« Film Review by the Numbers
NAÏVE PRETTY-BOY comes to London, embarks upon a life of DEBAUCHERY, sells his soul to THE DEVIL, stays young while a PAINTING of him ages instead. What could possibly go wrong? Yup, EVERYTHING.
By the Numbers
- Chromosomes Colin Firth’s character inherited from Mr Darcy: 23
- Chromosomes Colin Firth’s character inherited from Billy Mays: 23
- Cigarettes smoked: over 9000
- Scenes of social awkwardness: 15
- Scenes of socially awkward sex: 1
- Scenes of drunken, debauched and probably much more enjoyable sex: 6
- (Counting off-screen encounters, I assume this number also tends to over 9000.)
- Scenes of socially awkward hot man-on-man action: 1
- Naked women inexplicably standing in gigantic oyster shells: 1
- Bawls tripped: 304
- People killed: 3
- Members of the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen somehow missing from this movie: 6
I must see this movie. I am curious for the bawls being tripped.