Categories
Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part I

Synopsis

A bunch of WHINY ANGSTY TEENAGERS fight with each other for TWO HOURS, somehow still managing to prevail against a bunch of MORE POWERFUL, COMPETENT ADULTS. There is approximately a BEGINNING, but no END. Suddenly, NAZIS! MAGIC NAZIS. Thousands of them!

Also the WAND OF ULTIMATE POWAH looks like a SEX TOY, and VOLDEMORT is a HIGHLANDER.

By the Numbers

  • Character deaths: 5
  • Days spent at Hogwarts: 0 (are these kids aiming for the all-time truancy record?)
  • One Rings: 1
  • Deus Ex Machinae: 1 (per scene)
  • Eyes in Pyramids: 0.7
  • Macguffins sought by good guys: 7
  • Macguffins sought by bad guys: 3
  • Macguffins sought by CardCaptor Sakura: 53 (clearly she is more hardcore)
  • LUNA: YES
  • Bellatrix / Hermione torture porn: over 9000
  • There can only be: 1

Overall: 3/5

Leave a Reply