« Film Review by the Numbers
John Dies at the End
Synopsis
Something something SOY SAUCE something ALIENS something something GRIBBLY PARASITE something something ALL FUCKED.
Yeah, I’m not really sure what the hell we just watched.
By the Numbers
- Cracked authors: 2
- Internal tentacle rapes alluded to: 1
- Ghostbusters: 0
- Snakes per face: 45
- Door knobs: 1
- Chicken Brent: 0.87
- Camel Holocausts: 5
- Percentage of the way though the film at which John dies: 40?
- Mothstaches: 1
- Sausage signal: 0 bars
- Zombie fly-colonies: 3
- Bible bashers: 1
- Gory death: OVER 9000
- What’s in the container: BUFFERING
Comments
[…] his LOVE LIFE… but it does help that of his HAM RADIO MATE. BRENT SPINER is the FBI. Oh and JOHN DIES AT THE END. I mean, George. […]