Synopsis

PEOPLE FROM THE FBI describe TOM CRUISE as a dangerous, deluded, crazy individual. Which, you know, SEEMS PRETTY REASONABLE TO ME.

Oh, some RANDOM ACTION-MOVIE PLOT involving a SUPER SECRET PERPETUAL ENERGY SOURCE, GOVERNMENT CONSPIRACIES, ARMS DEALERS, CRAZY RUSSIANS and so on. Might as well be XENU to be honest.

By the Numbers

  • Tom Cruise: 1
  • Everyone else on the plane: 0
  • People that care that June was on the crashed flight: 2
  • People that care that June denies there being a crash: 0
  • People that care that Tom Cruise is car-surfing: 0
  • Methods of transport used: 7
  • Tom Cruise creepiness: 1533
  • Minutes June is capable of being angry for: 2
  • Minutes June is capable of being competent for: 3
  • Missiles fired by super secret bizzarro-plane: 12
  • Warhead size of each missile: negligible
  • Bridesmaid’s dress + thigh-high boots combo: over 9000

Overall: 2 / 5