Categories
Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Going the Distance

Synopsis

THE APPLE GUY (not ROBERT WEBB, the AMERICAN ONE) is secretly MY BROTHER-IN-LAW. He gets into a long-distance relationship with DREW BARRYMORE. It’s all VERY FAMILIAR. A couple of AMUSING THINGS happen. Some SAD THINGS happen. A lot more EMBARRASSING THINGS happen. CENTIPEDE happens. HEARTS are WARMED, ETCETERA.

MAYA, STATUE.

By the Numbers

  • Punches in the face that Amy needs: 742
  • Own dicks sucked: 1
  • Centipedophiles: 2
  • Miles fucked: 2564
  • Unexpected this: 1
  • Successful tans: 0
  • Dicks, in percent: 20
  • Phone sex, in embarrassment: over 9000
  • Dry humping: too much
  • Tom Cruise toilet paper, in rolls: 1 (theoretical)
  • Unexpected Hitlers: 1
  • Angry Jews: 2

Overall: 3 / 5

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *