A guest review by Danfox Davies. He took one for the team.


It’s the DIFFICULT SECOND FILM in a sugar-powered e-number engine’s progress to HASBRO’S DOMINATION of not only EQUESTRIA, which it handily BOUGHT, but also EARTH, which it’s clearly still working on.

Three BITCHES try to hijack the magical powers of a FICTIONAL REALM to their own NEFARIOUS ENDS in THIS REALM. And inevitably, a MORAL about ENEMIES being given ANOTHER CHANCE once they’ve been DE-EVILLED. Because have a heart, you bastards.

By the Numbers

  • Ponies, in screen minutes: 10
  • Unnerving human-shape ponies, in screen minutes: 80
  • Musical explanations for those slow on the uptake: 11
  • Musically induced Furry and/or Brony partial transformations: 12
  • High School Musical factor: 99
  • Scott Pilgrim Versus The World Factor: 76
  • X-Factor factor: over 9000
  • Simon Cowells: 0.7
  • “You’ll have to excuse them, they’re idiots.”: 1
  • Musical Genre: Sparklepop
  • ‘Principle’ Celestia in Memory duration: 0.2 films
  • In mascara: 222.2225
  • Theramins: surprisingly, 1
  • Games of Sleeping Lions Ponies erm, Humans: 1
  • Unexpected Maud: 1
  • And yet rocks: 0
  • And double-yet rock factor: School of Rock without Jack Black (or anything good)
  • Twilight’s singing voice: nope.
  • Games of Band Hero: 2
  • Daft Punks: 1
  • Beatbox oranges: 1
  • Tambourine Heimlich Manoevres: 1
  • Average ego size: The Moon
  • Average Gravity: Also The Moon
  • Sirens: 3
  • And yet pirates lured onto rocks: perplexingly, 0
  • Vinyl Scratch, Acoustic Armageddon and Transformers mash-ups: Surprisingly, 1

Overall: DJ Pon3 / 5

It’s all about that bass cannon.