A WEIRD FISH-THING escapes from a WEIRD HUMAN-THING, comes ashore and falls in love with an ACTUAL HUMAN. WEIRD FISH-THING is then re-captured by WEIRD HUMAN-THING, but escapes, and returns to reclaim her love by LAYING WASTE TO HALF A CITY and AN ENTIRE SHIPPING FLEET with a GIANT ALL-CONQUERING FISH TSUNAMI, then alters EARTH’S MAGNETIC FIELD to DESTROY THE WORLD by crashing the MOON into it.

So basically she’s FRIEZA, but also a FISH that’s in LOVE with a FIVE-YEAR-OLD.


By the Numbers:

  • Miniponyos: over 9000 (that was easy)
  • Miniponyo creepiness: likewise
  • Goldfish: 0
  • Good driving habits demonstrated by mother: 0
  • Evil guys wearing eyeliner: 1
  • Crab shields: 0.5
  • Wondrous Fish Explosion-Tsunami: 1
  • Approximate Rides of the Valkyries: 2
  • Evil baby-stares: 4
  • Joe Hisaishi factor: 275
  • Hayao Miyazaki factor: lost count

Overall: 3 / 5