Sonic the Hedgehog (1999)

Another guest Film Review by the Numbers!

Synopsis

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG and pals encounter a SUSPICIOUSLY GOOD ROBOTNIK and enjoy a late 90s CARTOON EXPOSITION FEST.

Now known as a NOSTALGIA FEST.

Lampshaded unnecessary dangerous visits: 1
Overconfident geriatric owls: 1
Nostalgia level: over 9000!
Robotnik, in moustaches: Yes
Portal rings: 0
Robotnik vs random anime girl in gameplay wins: 101-0
Aircraft destroyed: 3
Post-apocalyptic cities: 1
Scapegoats for climate change: 2
Dragon wings per robot that even the villain can’t handle: 2
Cheese machine gun arms: CHEESE MACHINE GUN ARMS! AND WHY IS THIS NOT THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE SEEN WEAPONISED FROMAGE???
Boss battles: 2
Knuckles, in tribal references: 0
Seconds to spare before explodey thing would have gone boom: 0.01
Wills o the wisp: 5824
Ghosts in the machine: 0
Tears cried: 2 rivers
Robotnik’s plot, in Zuckerbergs: 1
Floating land that realised gravity existed: 56789 MegaWile-Es
Etch a Sketch style screens relied on to deduce success of evil plots: of course.
Amount of this whole thing which was apparently a scheme for forced marriage by deduction of everyone else: 100%
Planet Freedom, in Sonic Hedgehogs supported: 1
Cute but deadly but predictable missiles: 3
3D printed bioinspired architecture: impressively present
Whack-a-Knuckles: what is this, an arcade game?
Genes named after this epinymous character: Somehow, 1

METALLLLLLLLL!