Another guest Film Review by the Numbers!

Synopsis

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG and pals encounter a SUSPICIOUSLY GOOD ROBOTNIK and enjoy a late 90s CARTOON EXPOSITION FEST.

Now known as a NOSTALGIA FEST.

By the Numbers

  • Lampshaded unnecessary dangerous visits: 1
  • Overconfident geriatric owls: 1
  • Nostalgia level: over 9000!
  • Robotnik, in moustaches: Yes
  • Portal rings: 0
  • Robotnik vs random anime girl in gameplay wins: 101-0
  • Aircraft destroyed: 3
  • Post-apocalyptic cities: 1
  • Scapegoats for climate change: 2
  • Dragon wings per robot that even the villain can’t handle: 2
  • Cheese machine gun arms: CHEESE MACHINE GUN ARMS! AND WHY IS THIS NOT THE FIRST TIME WE HAVE SEEN WEAPONISED FROMAGE???
  • Boss battles: 2
  • Knuckles, in tribal references: 0
  • Seconds to spare before explodey thing would have gone boom: 0.01
  • Wills o the wisp: 5824
  • Ghosts in the machine: 0
  • Tears cried: 2 rivers
  • Robotnik’s plot, in Zuckerbergs: 1
  • Floating land that realised gravity existed: 56789 MegaWile-Es
  • Etch a Sketch style screens relied on to deduce success of evil plots: of course.
  • Amount of this whole thing which was apparently a scheme for forced marriage by deduction of everyone else: 100%
  • Planet Freedom, in Sonic Hedgehogs supported: 1
  • Cute but deadly but predictable missiles: 3
  • 3D printed bioinspired architecture: impressively present
  • Whack-a-Knuckles: what is this, an arcade game?
  • Genes named after this epinymous character: Somehow, 1

Overall: 2/5

METALLLLLLLLL!