A guest review by Ian “Devo” Montgomery
Synopsis
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… A boy grew into a MAN, a SCOUNDREL became a POPSICLE and the AUDIENCE became AGHAST as the PRINCE OF DARKNESS reveals a TERRIBLE SECRET (unless you’ve seen Episode III first)…
By the Numbers
- Abominable Snowman’s sneak attack roll: Natural 20
- “A death mark’s not easy to live with”: No shit!
- Awkward goodbyes: 2
- Human stalactites: 1
- Chances of surviving in a sub-zero environment without shelter or supplies: 725 to 1 (supposedly)
- Reliable instructions offered by a hallucination: 2
- Cozy entrail beds: 1
- Nerf herders: 1
- Twincest: 0.7
- Examples of Vader overcompensating for something: 1
- Giant robo-camels of death: 5
- Frotting starships: 3
- Hyperspace rolls fumbled: 3
- Possibility of successfully navigating an asteroid field: 3720 to 1
- Odds beaten: 4445
- TIE fighter evasion rolls failed: 4
- Robots literally full of shit: 1
- Perilous flirting: ALL THE PERILOUS FLIRTING
- Crazy old goblins: One there is, yes. Mmmm!
- Floating zombie heads: 1
- Bowls of yummy swamp stew: 2
- Giant space cocks: 1
- Giant space cock vore: THERE’S NOT ENOUGH MIND BLEACH
- Something something DARK SIDE: 7
- Odds of surviving a direct assault on an Imperial Star Destroyer: SHUT UP
- Try: 0
- Violent interruptions: 1
- Piggies in the middle: 0
- Piggies out of the middle: 4
- Wookiees in the middle: 1
- Manoliths: 1
- Father-son games of catch played: 1
- Son’s failed catch rolls: 5
- Father-son hand-jobs: Fuck this, I’m out!
- Mark Hamill’s facial age upon learning of his parentage: 20 to 50 in 25 seconds
- Conveniently placed tube slides: 1
Add a Comment