A guest review by Ian “Devo” Montgomery

Synopsis

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The BAD GUYS ran out of ideas and thought “Fuck it, let’s build another planet-busting space station! I’m sure those MEDDLING KIDS won’t blow this one up!” And where does that line of thought take them? To a HUMILIATING DEFEAT by a bunch of fucking TEDDY BEARS! Dumbasses…

By the Numbers

• Sinister robo-eyes: 1
• Moblins: 8
• Crazy, cackling bat-parrot-goblin…things: 1
• Decorative jazz-hands: 2
• Tentacle molestations: Here we go again…
• Robots inexplicably programmed to feel pain: At least 3
• Minimum number of tits required for exotic dancers on Tatooine: 6
• Pointless CGI band members: 2
• Monster munch: 2
• Adorable reunions between a man and his man-bear-dog: 1
• Hideous man-children weeping over pet murder-beasts: 1
• People devoured by giant sand rectum: 5
• Incidents of psychic paedophilia: 1
• Failed sneak rolls: 1
• High-speed air-bike jackings: 1
• Incidents of high-speed tree-hugging: 4
• DO A BARREL ROLL!: 2
• Tribal teddy bears: Over 9000!!!
• Memes that will never die: At least 2
• Teddy Ruxpins: None
• Teddy Roosevelts: Also none
• Golden idols: 1
• Epic bedtime stories with added sound effects: 1
• Twincest: NOPE, NOT THIS TIME
• Winnie the Joyrider: 1
• Games of tag played: 1
• Giant robo-chickens of death: 4
• Space Nazis lynched by teddy bears: 14
• Teddy bears use Rock Throw on Robot Chicken: It’s not very effective…
• SHOOP DA WHOOP: 2
• Stormtroopers that can actually AIM: 2
• Teddy bear picnics: Nope
• Teddy bear massacres: Oh my, yes >:D
• Air-bike tetherball: AIR-BIKE TETHERBALL
• Chicken sandwiches: 1
• Idiot stormtroopers that should have just SHOT THE GOOD GUYS instead of trying to capture them: 2
• Seconds the big bad wastes hurting the hero when he should have just killed him: 20
• Sudden, inevitable betrayals: 1
• Gargantuan battleships destroyed by one measly fighter: SERIOUSLY!?
• Redeemed mass murderers: 1
• Forest moons set ablaze by nearby exploding space stations: FUCK PHYSICS
• Galaxy-spanning regimes toppled by the loss of one space station and one emperor: Oh fuck it all, it’s over now :P
• Episodes: 7 (FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUU—)

Overall: 4 / 5