FLORENCE AND THE MACHINE co-star “THE MACHINE” embarks on a solo career as a BRAIN-DAMAGED KILLER ROBOT. TOBY STEPHENS is there to SAVE THE DAY and teach her to LOVE, but the EEEEEVIL MINISTRY OF DEFENCE teaches her to KILL.
Guess what? The ABILITY TO KILL comes in REALLY FUCKING HANDY.
By the Numbers
- Brain to Head ratio: <1
- Deaths by Hugs: 1
- Deaths by automatic gunfire: 37
- Donkey arse Turing tests: 1
- Intravenous pea soup injections: 1
- Electrons floating on a liquid helium pseudoscience bullshit fluid: some
- Hand-crushings averted by impromptu tangoes: 1
- Mech spines: MECH SPINES
- Incidences of Hollywood OS: 23
- Monuments to all your dead assistants: 1
- Quantum computers that look suspiciously like jelly potato brains: apparently, all of them
- Red matter: 65 litres
- Spider face-injections: 1
- SURPRISE BUTTSEX FACE: 100%
- Accidental clown murders: 1
- Mains plug standard in the future: Still BS1363
- Self destruct countdown: Quick and silent, for once!
- Thumb press lobotomies: 1
- Chances of this being the Secret back-story to Portal: 57%
Add a Comment