Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

The Matrix

A guest review by Ian‭ “‬Devo‭” ‬Montgomery


A seemingly average nobody is suddenly awoken from Better Than Life and is told by a crew of cyberpunk warriors that he is Virtual Jesus.‭ ‬This will surely end spectacularly…‭ ‬won’t it‭?

By the Numbers

  • Rabbit holes fallen into‭: ‬ALL THE RABBIT HOLES
  • Sunglasses: ‬OVER‭ ‬9000‭!!
  • Parasitic robo-prawns‭: ‬1‭ (‬Kill it with fire‭!!)
  • G-men‭: ‬3
  • Judas‭: ‬Present
  • Killer robo-squids‭: ‬5
  • Ones‭: ‬1
  • Zeroes‭: ‬0‭ (‬for now…‭)
  • Organic batteries‭: ‬6‭ ‬billion
  • Bullets fired‭: ‬OVER‭ ‬9-— ‬all right,‭ ‬we get it‭!
  • Bowls of snot eaten‭:‭ ‬9

Overall: 5 / 5

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