Synopsis

A KID wakes up in a PRECARIOUS LIFT that crash-lands in “THE GLADE”, named after the PLUG-IN AIR FRESHENER.

The GLADE turns out to be part of a LABYRINTH of BRUTALIST 60S ARCHITECTURE through which the KIDS must RUN FOR THEIR LIVES from BIOMECHANICAL ROBOTS controlled by SINISTER FORCES BEYOND THEIR UNDERSTANDING.

So, pretty much a normal day in SLOUGH.

By the Numbers

• Naming ceremonies based on ritual head trauma: 1
• Ferbs: 1
• Phineaii: 0
• 20-somethings pretending to be teenagers: most of them
• Incidences of skull-on-skull action: 1
• Incidences of
  : 12
• Labyrinths, in Cretes: 3
• Labyrinths, in David Bowie’s crotch bulges: 0
• Chance that the bad guys are in fact alcopop brand WKD: 75%
• Chance of this film passing the Bechdel test: 0%
• Chance of H.R. Giger jacking off to this: 110%
• Lord of the Flies Battle Royale The Hunger Games The Truman Show

  all that shit: 120%

• Totally innocent and scenic things called “The Blades”: 1250
• Geiger MacGuffins: 1
• Poorly engineered missile silos: 8
• Griever grievances: 9
• General Grievers: 12
• Incidences of Grievers bodily harm: 35
• Free cyborg spider monster hugs: 23
• Remember… WCKD is good REALLY FUCKING CONTRIVED
• Chances of this experiment getting past the ethics committee: 0
• Combustible lemons: Sadly lacking

Overall: 3 / 5