Synopsis

A KID wakes up in a PRECARIOUS LIFT that crash-lands in “THE GLADE”, named after the PLUG-IN AIR FRESHENER.

The GLADE turns out to be part of a LABYRINTH of BRUTALIST 60S ARCHITECTURE through which the KIDS must RUN FOR THEIR LIVES from BIOMECHANICAL ROBOTS controlled by SINISTER FORCES BEYOND THEIR UNDERSTANDING.

So, pretty much a normal day in SLOUGH.

By the Numbers

  • Naming ceremonies based on ritual head trauma: 1
  • Ferbs: 1
  • Phineaii: 0
  • 20-somethings pretending to be teenagers: most of them
  • Incidences of skull-on-skull action: 1
  • Incidences of
    Babyface: 12
  • Labyrinths, in Cretes: 3
  • Labyrinths, in David Bowie’s crotch bulges: 0
  • Chance that the bad guys are in fact alcopop brand WKD: 75%
  • Chance of this film passing the Bechdel test: 0%
  • Chance of H.R. Giger jacking off to this: 110%
  • Lord of the Flies
    Battle Royale
    The Hunger Games
    The Truman Show

    all that shit: 120%

  • Totally innocent and scenic things called “The Blades”: 1250
  • Geiger MacGuffins: 1
  • Poorly engineered missile silos: 8
  • Griever grievances: 9
  • General Grievers: 12
  • Incidences of Grievers bodily harm: 35
  • Free cyborg spider monster hugs: 23
  • Remember… WCKD is good REALLY FUCKING CONTRIVED
  • Chances of this experiment getting past the ethics committee: 0
  • Combustible lemons: Sadly lacking

Overall: 3 / 5