A GuesT review by DAnfox DAvies


It’s the vaguely not too distant, Esperanto speaking FUTURE, where a GENETIC CASTE SYSTEM dashes the hopes of the WEAK. Hopelessly romantic IMPOSTER-ONAUT who looks like EDWARD SNOWDEN if you have HIS EYESIGHT is nearly framed by his OWN EYELASH for murder, but gets away with RISKING HIS BROTHER’S LIFE because HONOUR.

By the Numbers

  • % of the film building up to events you never see with no loose ends left dangling for a sequel: 100
  • Keyboards, in seconds between sanitisation and desanitisation, both deliberately: 68
  • …in murder weapon effectiveness: over 9000!
  • Dyson handhelds foretold: check
  • USB mini-vacs foretold: check
  • % of the film in which someone is cleaning something somehow: 70
  • Incinerators activatable from within: somehow, 1
  • Penes complimented matter-of-factly: 1
  • “If you’re still interested, let me know”: 2
  • ADD: 89%… ooh, a genetic lab!
  • Orwell factor: 79 (“calculated” (made up) in spinning-in-grave RPM, were the story ever to come true)
  • Illustrated Guides To Careers In Space: 1
  • Rockets burning rocket fuel per day: 3.5
  • Urine samples: 193
  • Compatibility test score: 9.3
  • Sci-Fi inevitable datedness, in inaccuracies: 1
  • …in technological misadvancement: 3 (hello, reams of dot matrix printed data, monochrome flickering monitors)
  • Béchamel Test: Failed
  • Fingers needed to play future piano: 12
  • Alleys, in length: 1000m
  • Vincent Hearts, in overdue beats: OVER 10,000!
  • Games of future Frogger: 1
  • Designer babies: >80%
  • Ethical committees concerned about designer babies: 0
  • Pants thundered: disappointingly, 0.

Overall: In Valid/5