War on Terror! The RPG

Note for the hard of thinking: This is a work of satire.
Do not trust anything you read on the internet, including this sentence.

Leaders of the World, Unite! Fight Terrorism! Battle zombie hordes on the streets of Baghdad! Tonight, the True Battle for Hearts and Minds... BEGINS!

The Story So Far

December 2008

The Iraqi army and police continue to be ineffective at quelling uprisings in the country. However, eager to show that they are competent and thus gain more independence from the foreign occupiers, they spin the truth so much that the Americans are convinced. Led by an anti-war Democratic president, US forces begin to withdraw from Iraq.

January 2009

Violence in Iraq rises sharply as the US Army begins a major withdrawal. Eager to keep face with the public who elected her, the president secretly pays five billion dollars of the US defence budget to security contractors Blackwater to keep the peace in Iraq and keep very quiet about it.

April 2009

During a spending review, the details of the Blackwater deal are leaked to the press. The newspapers dub it "Blackwatergate", causing the dismissal of at least three editors. Nevertheless, the name sticks. The administration is forced to withdraw significant portions of its payment to Blackwater, leaving the mercenary company deeply engaged in Iraq without financial backing.

The Iraqi government, newly-rich thanks to an oil deal with the Saudi monarchy that would never be fully investigated by international courts, stepped in. They matched the payment the Americans withdrew, allowing Blackwater to continue operating in Iraq under the control of the Iraqi prime minister.

October 2009

Faced with overwhelming force of arms, local warlords and terrorist cells slow down their overt offensive actions and concentrate instead on a more covert plan to win over the hearts and minds of their people. Many of them slip under the radar.

Next, on "War on Terror! The RPG"...

May 2012

A series of emergency elections in the still unstable Iraqi government have seen many former enemies of the government slip into minor positions of power within it. As elected representatives of the people, decided by fair elections (or so it appeared), they no longer had to rule their regions by force or by fear. The few uprisings that occurred in 2012 were quelled almost immediately, and for the first time in nearly a decade, peace returned to Iraq.

July 2012

With no enemies left to fight, the government continued employing Blackwater to train their military and police, and to act as bodyguards to diplomats travelling abroad.

Whilst the world worried about the radicalisation of their youth, no-one saw or cared about a more dangerous radicalisation - that of the Iraqi government itself.

December 2012

In an attempt to be recognised on the world stage as a country now free of unrest and terrorism, the Iraqi government sent diplomats to all the world's major countries for meetings. At least, that was the official story.

In practice, their emissaries weren't diplomats at all. But with diplomatic immunity and Blackwater bodyguards, they got where they wanted to go.

They were suicide bombers.

The Game

The world's centres of government lie in ruins, the cities around them raining the toxic after-effects of dirty bomb explosions. The abused countries of the Middle East are out for venegeance on the West.

This is very firmly Your Problem. They are your centres of government, your cities. You are the leaders of the G8 nations, the most powerful nations on Earth.

Oh yes, and you have superpowers.

Game Mechanics

Since the setting lacks any real plot besides the back-story, it's probably best off as a few-hour-long convention game or something.

As for the system, some modern-day superhero game should do the trick. I'm sure there's something out there.


If it's a con game, the characters should probably be pregenned for great easiness. Here's some character ideas that I scraped from the depths of my caffeine-addled brain. I might stat them at some point if I can be arsed.

Hilliary Clinton (America)

In April 2008, Marvel killed off Captain America. In December 2008, Hilliary Clinton became President of America. A coincidence? I think not. A cover-up. Against all biological and chronological sense, Hilliary is Captain America.

Vladmir Putin (Russia)

Re-elected to the Russian premiership in 2011 thanks to the well-funded assassination of all his rivals, the leader reveals himself to be, in fact, Soviet Superman.

Alexander Litvinenko (Russia)

The British and Russian governments claim he died of Polonium poisoning in 2007. Another cover-up. What the public needed to be protected from was this: he is not dead. Not properly. The radiation infused him with energy even as his body failed him, and he now almost-lives on as a radioactive zombie. He wreaked his revenge on the supporters of his assassination, and came to become the supreme dictator of the New Russian State.

Tony Blair (United Kingdom)

As the leader who entered Britain into the second Gulf War, the crisis causes the British people to rise up against their Conservative government and demand his return. Within days, Tony Blair is brought out of retirement. However, a lifetime of secret addiction to Rambo movies has given him quite the wrong impression of what the military brings a guy out of retirement for.

Silvio Berlusconi (Italy)

Taking the term "Italian Stallion" rather too literally, Silvio uses his skills as a Shapeshifter to turn into horses, bears, stoats, cyanobacteria and all manner of other organisms.

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