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Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

2001: A Space Odyssey

Synopsis

An OBELISK teaches APES to use TOOLS, and teaches TAPIRS how to FALL OVER.  Meanwhile, in SPACE, some CARDBOARD SPACESHIPS float around next to some WASHED-OUT SIXTIES PICTURES OF PLANETS.

THINGS then LENSFLARE occur, LENSFLARE roughly LENSFLARE at the LENSFLARE rate of ONE PER HOUR.

INTERMISSION

CREEPY COMPUTER is CREEPY, in the insanely unlikely event that you didn’t already realise this.

By the Numbers

  • Works of musical genius: 13
  • Tapirs that give a shit: 0
  • Obelisks: 2
  • Asterisks: 0
  • Zohars: 2
  • Butt-spikes: 0
  • Space Oddities: 57
  • Gravity socks (pairs): 3
  • Games of Elite played on IBM terminals: 1
  • Rocket buses: 3
  • Cat buses: 0
  • Power Ranger suits: 3
  • BBC: 12
  • Space: 1999
  • Drugs: Drugs
  • Carl Sagan: Disappointingly, zero
  • Winamp Visualisations: 745
  • HAL: EXACTLY NINE THOUSAND?!?!?!

Overall: 3±2 / 5

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