It’s the END OF SEASON PARTY at NONDESCRIPT GERMAN SKI RESORT #2376. Some people are partying. Some people are filming snowboarding videos. And SOME PEOPLE are doing WEIRD INEXPLICABLE SCIENCE EXPERIMENTS with MYSTERIOUS CHEMICALS.

As you might imagine, this goes TERRIFICALLY WELL FOR ALL CONCERNED.

By the Numbers

  • Surprise zombie murder deer!: 5
  • High-tech Mountain Dew experiments: 1
  • Title sequences violently puked up: 1
  • Chekhov’s… zombie?: 1
  • Naked snowboard stunts in front of disabled schoolchildren: Somehow…
  • Swear words that sound better with a German accent: All of them
  • “DON’T DUDE ME!”: 1
  • Frying pans bitten through: 1
  • Fake blood sprayed, pints: 207
  • Gore, kilograms: 942
  • Of which, dismembered body parts flying through the air while Strauss’s Blue Danube plays in the background: 14
  • “Nice rack.”: 1
  • Characters in a zombie movie debating what kind of zombie movie they are in: 3. (Therefore… is this the most realistic zombie movie?!)
  • Fourth walls: None here.
  • Zombies avoided by walking behind a large restauramt sign: somehow about a dozen?
  • Deaths prevented by timely use of ringtones: 2
  • Walking pole brain eye socket impalements: two for the price of one!
  • Mid-zombie apocalypse ballroom dancing sessions: Yep, that happened
  • Needlessly somersaulted zombie brain cleavings: 1
  • Inevitable chainsaws: 2
  • Inevitable… elderly lady with a machine gun?: 1
  • Inventive ski equipment-based zombie killings: 27
  • Zombies wearing Lederhosen: LITERALLY NONE WHAT THE HELL.

Overall: a solid 0 / 5