THE WORLD is not what people believe—in truth, it is a GRIM DYSTOPIA in which INCOME INEQUALITY is worsening due to the actions of the CAPITALIST ELITE, THE POPULATION is repressed by AUTHORITARIAN OVERLORDS, and HUMANITY is controlled by THE MEDIA’S INSIDIOUS AGENDA.

Meanwhile, in tonight’s film…

By the Numbers

  • Boxes full of illegal sunglasses: 8
  • 80s Haircuts: 80
  • 80s Cars: 80
  • 80s Background Music: very much so
  • 80s 80s: 80
  • Comedy Mars Attacks aliens: 307
  • Comedy tiny UFOs: 1
  • Fnords seen: 147
  • Instructions to marry and reproduce: 3
  • Guys who are a completely OK after being punched out of a second storey window: 1
  • Minutes later after which all is forgiven: 27
  • Bubblegum, sticks posessed by said guy: 0
  • Completely unnecessary punches thrown to decide whether a guy should wear sunglasses or not: 37
  • Percentage of the above that verged on homoerotic wrestling montage: 60
  • Shady backalley heroes: 2
  • Unexpected guided tours of the evil lair: 1
  • Percentage easier it would have been to save the world if the hero thought with his brain not his dick: 98

Overall: 4 / 5

“Hey, what’s wrong baby?”