BABIES are all secretly SUPER SMART, because REINCARNATION, or PSYCHIC POWERS, or…
You know what? I have drunk so much wine to cope with this preposterous shit that I have absolutely no idea.
By the Numbers
- BABY DEFCON: 1
- Inexplicable mazes: 1
- Convincing statues: 0
- Inexplicable Giant Floating Baby Heads: 2
- Doc Browns: 1
- Baby Geniuses: 0
- Toddler Geniuses: 7
- Kung Fu Toddlers: Somehow, some
- 6-foot-tall Chuckie-esque nightmare fuel babies: 1
- Robotic North Poles: How does that even?
- Crotch shots: 21
- Babies writing in Cuneiform: WHAT
- Bullshit factor:
- Horrifying Justin Bieber / Stephanie from Lazy Town crossbreeds: 1
- P. Oopie Bottoms: 1
- Hobos beaten up in public lavatories: WHAT AM I WATCHING
- Ultrapaedo: Present
- Cigars smoked: 1
- Evil Lenin: EVIL LENIN
- Walls of bears: 0 good ones
- Liechtensteins: More than one?
- Inevitable fun houses full of evil clowns: 1
- Evil Goose: EVIL GOOSE
- : More like Rolling On Floor Weeping tbh
- Terminator references from toddlers: 1
- Three Stooges references from toddlers: 2
- Happy Days references from toddlers: 1
- Saturday Night Fever references from… you know what, fuck this, I’m out.
- Alcohol required: OVER 9000 ALCOHOLS
- “This is pathetic.”: YES IT FUCKING WELL IS
- Cost of sequel: Hopefully a lot less than 20 million dollars.
Overall: -2147483647 / 5