Film Reviews (by the Numbers)



GIANT TENTACLE MONSTERS take a break from ravaging the HIGH SCHOOLS of JAPAN to visit quaint, picturesque IRELAND. Unfortunately they turn out to be allergic to ALCOHOL, which makes IRELAND a pretty fucking poor holiday destination.

By the Numbers

  • Trawler crew who know how to radio “mayday”: 0
  • Feckin’ lobsters: 0
  • Therapeutic wine gums: 2
  • George-from-Being-Humans: 1
  • Welding masks effective against giant blue octopi: 0
  • Haggard sea-dogs: 3
  • Beheaded headbuttings: 1
  • Vicious little fucks stamped on by vicious larger fucks: 1
  • Adorable baby octopus-shoggoth-facehuggers: 47
  • Adorable babies nailed to bars: 1
  • Pounds of Lottery money spent on reinforcing national stereotypes: 4,000,000
  • Units of alcohol consumed (reviewer): 4
  • Units of alcohol consumed (cast): over 9000, t’be sure.

Overall: 3 / 5


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