Synopsis

TOM RIDDLE is a DICK to a WITCH in HIGH SCHOOL.  She then turns him into VOLDEMORT, and sends him on a QUEST for TRUE LUUUUURVE in order for him to be NOT VOLDEMORT again.

By the Numbers

• Beauties: 2
• Beasts: 0
• Ashley Olsen: 0 (MIA?)
• Arabic eyebrows: 2
• Baboons scratching their arses: 1
• Municipal buildings with burglar alarms: 0
• Friend-zones escaped: 1
• Extent to which this is less creepy than Disney’s Beauty and the Beast: over 9000
• Extent to which the ending kind of fucks up the message, just as always: 2175
• Times I’ve drawn on people to achieve precisely that look prior to alternative club nights: it’s many

Overall: 3 / 5