Synopsis

Once upon a time, there was a FILM in which DOGS inexplicably had HUMAN PROBLEMS and SAVED THE DAY with some PREPOSTEROUS KIDDY BULLSHIT.

Fast forward three years.

Now, there is a FILM in which DOGS inexplicably have HUMAN PROBLEMS and SAVE THE DAY with some PREPOSTEROUS KIDDY BULLSHIT. WALT DISNEY continues ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE filled with HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILLS.

By the Numbers

• Chihuahuas: 7
• Number of times I tried to write “Chihuahua” before spelling it right: 4
• Pronunciations of the word “Mexico”: at least 3
• Mexican characters that speak English all the time except for the list of about 20 Spanish words that most American kids probably know: ALL OF THEM
• Dogs with nationalities, like that makes any sense: 11
• Dog marriages, like that’s a thing: 1
• Human marriages caused by dogs: fucking Disney, man
• Humans bukkaked: somehow, 2
• Preposterous bullshit, in minutes: 93

Overall: 1 / 5

It’s almost as if I’m not the target audience for this film, or something.