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Film Reviews (by the Numbers)

Sharknado 2

Synopsis

A combination of FREAK WEATHER SYSTEMS converges on NEW YORK CITY, inevitably leading to a SERIES OF SET-PIECES where AERIAL SHARK ATTACKS happen at MAJOR NATIONAL MONUMENTS.

Thankfully, a RAG-TAG GROUP of PHYSICS-DEFYING LUNATICS are here to save the day from INFEASIBLE DOOM.

AGAIN.

By the Numbers

  • Snakes on a plane: 0
  • Sharks on a plane: 13
  • New members of the Mile-high fish-induced beheading club: 2
  • Wheatons eaten: 2
  • Bones per lower arm: 1
  • Circular saws per Tara Reid: 1
  • Naked cowboys: 0.7
  • Southerly shark winds: 1
  • Cloud animations, total Photoshop time: 8 minutes
  • Floodwater animations, total crayon time: 7 minutes
  • Fourth walls: none here, no sir
  • Baseball bat overcompensation: 150%
  • Murders by Tumbleweed of Liberty: AMERICA, FUCK NO
  • Boris Bikes squashed: 1
  • Sharks jumped: 2
  • Sharks surfed: 1
  • Sharks dismembered in mid-air by chainsaws: 37
  • Tornadoes, obligatory rule: 34
  • Bullet momentum: 3500N
  • Flibbling: INSUFFICIENT
  • Special effects supervisors who, against all common sense, agreed to be in the credits: 1

Overall: / 5

In the word’s of Sharknado 2’s news anchor: “All you can do is just shake your head.”

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