Synopsis

That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange aeons even death may die. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh CTHULHU R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

By the Numbers:

• Utterly implausible scandals involving Jonas Brothers: 1
• Camp Rock performances that are rock music: 3
• Normal definitions of “Jam” employed: 0
• Faces: Two
• Characters: 23
• Characters who do not fail: 2
• Average time for students to learn a technique, in seconds: 13
• Songs performed live: 2
• Songs that sucked: 2
• Main characters that can sing without autotune: 0
• Punchable Jonas brothers: 3
• Obviousness of ending: 127
• Cheesiness of ending: 198,289
• Cinderellaness of plot: 204,987,154
• Sanity roll per minute: d10
• Beer consumed: YES
• DEPTH OF THE ABYSS: OVER 9000 METRES
• STARS IN ALIGNMENT: 23,489
• GREAT OLD ONES NOW MANIFEST UPON THE EARTH: 76
• MORTALS DRIVEN TO MADNESS: 6,791,278,109
• H҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘Ȅ̐̑̒̚̕̚ IS C̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚OMI҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘NG > ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ͡҉҉
• H҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘Ȅ̐̑̒̚̕̚ IS C̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚OMI҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘NG > ͡҉҉ ̵̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̿̿̿̚ ҉ ҉҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ͡҉҉
• H̛͘E͟͟҉ ͟͞͞Ć̸͘͡Ó̴͡M̶̴̧̕͜Ę̸̢͠͠S̵̵͡.̴̸̕͟.͡͞.̵͜

Overall: -אω / 5