It’s a BAD DAY at C.O.N.T.R.I.V.E.D. A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. HEADQUARTERS, when WORLD WAR II SUPERSOLDIER BUCKY BARNES comes back from the dead to fight recently back-from-the-dead WORLD WAR II SUPERSOLDIER STEVE ROGERS.

But surprise! C.O.N.T.R.I.V.E.D. A.C.R.O.N.Y.M. was CIA/NSA/Nazis all along, and now CAPTAIN ‘MURICA and his SUPER FRIENDS must fight ALL THE DUDES until they save THE WORLD for this week.

By the Numbers

  • Minutes of the Captain America is Better than Everyone Show: 17
  • Bat-man: 0
  • Bat-rock: 1
  • Acrobatic arse-kickings: 2
  • Jedi councils: 1
  • Bullet-proof artificially intelligent flying cars: Inevitably so
  • Innocent offices trashed: 619
  • Super secret classified memory sticks hidden in vending machines: 1
  • Lift occupants despatched: 13
  • Lifts despatched: 1
  • Apple store hipsters despatched: Sadly none
  • USB sticks used to resurrect 1970s evil scientist AI mainframes: 1
  • Inevitably evil Robert Redfords: 1
  • Sam Wilson screen time: Acceptable
  • Flying battleship Mexican standoffs: 1
  • Obligatory 21st century heavy-handed evil CIA NSA surveillance killer drone plotline: present
  • Steve Rogers / Bucky Barnes kiss scenes: inexplicably none

Overall: 3 / 5