In an ILL-CONCEIVED EXAMPLE of ODDLY VIOLENT JEEVES AND WOOSTER FANFICTION, an INEPT TOFF, a TERRORIST and MI5 race to track down a STOLEN PAINTING containing a SECRET CODE to NAZI BANK ACCOUNTS. Yet somehow NOT A NIC CAGE IN SIGHT! It does however feature a bunch of EXTREMELY FAMOUS PEOPLE who for some reason chose to star in an EXTREMELY BAD FILM.

By the Numbers

  • Evil henchmen punched on fire: 3
  • Churchill dogs: 1.5
  • People deeply in the Queen’s hole: 1
  • Cheeses used as bioweapons: 1
  • Vaginas on the face: 1
  • Water bailiffs: 0
  • Balls: 0
  • Chekhov’s Sympathetic Gag Reflex: Apparently so
  • Minutes of tiresome drivel: 107
  • Scenes in the film saved by Paul Bettany: All of them

Overall: 1 / 5

“Are you quite finished buggering around?”